Barry Saucepan and the Escaped Maniac
by Long live the pickles
Summary: Complete!FOLKS!IT'S WHAT YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR!Barry Saucepan goes to his third year at Hogwarts,with Lemo and co.But how will he sleep at night knowing a crazy maniac from the wizard jail is after him?Well...Uh...Who needs sleep?
1. Blowing Up Your Aunt

**Here I am again, didn't know what I was getting into writing a random story starring a weird guy barely resembling Harry Potter, has a wacky name and several of my own characters making appearances and freaking out poor J.K Rowlings carefully thought out characters! Oh well...**

**(Oh and Sorry bout my crap grammar...My beter is ALWAYS ON APPEAR OFFLINE so she can read FanFic in peace!) Thanks again to my loyal reviewers, who have stuck with me through thick (me not writing) and thin (me being bored with nothing to do BUT write...). I hope I am a Banana, WarriorByNight and my bored better, Lemo enjoy this story. What you've been waiting for, for SO long...(For a couple of days)...You'd think it would never come...(You didn't really care either)...(I'll shut up...)**

_Lemo: pulls down sign that says 'offline' NO BODIES HOME! shifteh eyes_

**Barry Saucepan and the Escaped Maniac**

**Chapter one: Blowing Up Your Aunt**

"Pass the bacon asshole," Dudley said through a mouthful of egg.

"Manners Dudles!" Aunt Petunia clucked.

"Pass the bacon asshole, _please_."

"Good boy."

"Haven't you had enough, fatty?" Barry answered moodily.

Petunia gasped, as Vernon began to glow red,

"JUST BECAUSE OUR BOY IS BIG BONED-"

"Oh shut your pie hole. I'm going to my room," Barry got up and put his food onto Dudley's plate, "Eat up! Don't want to go back to school, not having gained fifty kilos..." Barry then left the kitchen as Vernon yelled,

"GO TO YOUR ROOM _IMMEDIATELY_!"

Barry rolled his eyes. The Dursley's were getting worse over the years, and so was his attitude towards him. And ever since Lemo had mistaken Dudley for a whale, Barry couldn't help but _really_ notice how much he really did resemble a whale. Now, hearing that Aunt Marge was coming, he knew his day couldn't get worse. He remembered her last visit she put him down at every opportunity and insisted that his Uncle and Aunt were taking them in out of the goodness of their hearts, ha _whatever_. Barry flopped down on his bed and it squeak and went down under his weight. Most of the springs were screwed after Dudley's, err..._weight_ problems.

After about half hour of dreading the time he heard,

"VERNON! My darling brother!" It happened, "My Dudles! Look at you! All grown up and handsome!"

_Was this woman blind!_

"Petunia! My favorite sister in law!"

_She was so friggen loud..._

"How are you all! Can you pour me a brandy! Wait...Where's the runt!"

Barry couldn't believe she actually bothered to point out he wasn't there...

He heard Uncle Vernon's muffled reply, followed by his bark,

"BOY! Get your ass down here!"

Barry reluctantly lifted himself off his bed and dragged his feet downstairs. Hearing they were now in the kitchen he walked in,

"You rang?"

Aunt Marge largely resembled a hippo. A splitting image of her brother. She rose, Brandy in hand and glared at him,

"You've become more moody as you've gotten older. You should really appreciate what my brother has done for you."

"And what would that be?" Barry was sick of Aunt Marge pushing him around...

The dog growled at Barry's feet, he couldn't remember this ones name...It was either Killer or Fluffy. He personally thought it should be called Ugly, but it was really none of his business. Marge poked her large finger in front of Barry's face,

"Apologize."

"Sorry?"

Marge gave a contented grunt,

"I guess you can't help your nature...I see it all the time with dogs! Don't _ever_ breed with a tempermental bitch. But if the father's bad as well...Then you know your going to get a disas-"

"Shut up."

Barry wanted to leave the Dursley's right now, but he knew he'd never be allowed. He probably won't survive until the end of the holidays. But Barry swore to himself as soon as he got off the train, that he was not going to let them push him around.

"What did you say to me, boy?"

"Shut up!"

"No, I'll 'shut up' when I feel it is nessary. Now you boy are obviously the result of a bad mother and father. Your scrawny, you look bout twelve-"

"Just because I'm now the size of Dudley when he was twelve, doen't make me scrawny! Dudleys an obese-"

"ENOUGH!" Uncle Vernon yelled, as Dudleys mouth dropped open, all six of his chins wobbling.

"Calm down Vernny...I'm sorting the boy...You know what one of your _main_ fault Saucepan?"

"What?"

"Your nearly a fifteen year old boy, single, desperate, ugly and scrawny."

"WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'M SINGLE!"

"I also called you ugly-"

"BUT I'M NOT SINGLE!"

"Your taken?" Aunt Marge looked at him in shock, "But how would you meet-"

"At school."

Aunt Marge's eyes grew rounder,  
"B-But, that makes you-"

Barry nodded,

"Yes it does," he said smiling as he thought of Lemo and how they'd been to tegether for more than a year now.

Uncle Vernon looked like a deer caught in the head lights as Aunt Marge turned and looked at him,

"The boy's a fagot!"

Barry snapped back to reality,

"WHAT!"

"You raised, this already screwed up boy to become a fagot! Vernon? Why?"

Uncle Vernon shifted uncomfortably in his seat,

"Uhh...Well..."

"What the fuck! I'm not gay!" Barry yelled.

"W-Well..." Vernon continued to stutter.

"Vernon..." Petunia said, looking at him, "What school does Barry go to, again?"

"St. Troaves School for Criminal Boys," Vernon croaked.

Petunia smacked him across the head looking angry,

"That's the one!" she said through clenched teeth.

"I GO WHERE!" Barry yelled some more.

"Shut-up fagot!" Dudley laughed.

"SHUT IT WHALE!"

"BARRY!"

"You little rude ru-"

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP ALL OF YOU!"

Before Barry knew it he lost control. Marge began to swell and expand. Suddenly she left the ground, everyone jumped up, well all except Dudley. Why get up when everyone else was doing a perfectly good job of that themselves?

"MARGE!" Vernon shouted as he tried to reach for her.

"VERNON! WHAT HAPPENING!"

Petunia shot daggers through Barry,

"FIX HER! FIX HER NOW!"

Barry backed away staring in horror at Marge floating about near the roof.

"Muuuuuuuuuum...Are we going to have lunch?"

"PUT HER RIGHT NOW!" Vernon shouted.

Just to improve Barry's afternoon, an owl flew into the window.

"WHAT IS IT WITH THOSE BLOODY OWLS AND FLYING INTO WINDOWS!"

"You've seen them before?" MArge said from the ceiling.

"Uh...No never before in my life. YOU BOY! FIX HER NOW!"

"Got to go!" Barry yelled grabbing the parchment from the ruffled owl and running upstairs to retrieve his trunk. In his room he found several birds with parchment. He grabbed them all, rounding up all his stuff then ran out of his room as fast he could with a bewitched trunk and Bedfig flying in his wake out the door.

_Lemo: Though I hate to do so…I rather agree with marge…Moooody! Hey AMBO! Give the kid some weed or something!_

_HEY! MY FICTIONAL SELF IS OLD THAN ME AGAIN! Darn, and I'd just caught up too…_


	2. Barry Runs

**Thanks to:**

**Lemo: As always your first to review...lol since you don't leave the net at all! **

**I am a banana: Loyal as ever! lol thanks for the FANTASTIC review!**

**WarriorByNight: Thanks Emo! and kool!**

**Linwe Melwasul: Well dunno what I'm going to do, since those books are HUGE! Depends how this one goes...lol Thanks 4 ya review and I hope you like this story!**

**Thanks again to all of you for your reviews (and marshmellows) you guys are GREAT! GROUP HUG! Reviewers back away...**

**

* * *

Chapter two: Barry Runs**

Barry continued to run down the road with his possessions magically following him, in broad daylight. But he didn't care if any muggles noticed. Half the time they walked around in a dream world...Though admittedly he did get a few looks, he just shrugged them off and told them it was an optical illusion. He slowed down to a brisk walk and decided to read his letters the first one looked offical, he opened it and unfolded the parchment,

_Dear Mr. Saucepan,_

_We have recieved intelligence that a enlargement curse was used at your place of residence this afternoon at fourteen minutes and six seconds past twelve._

_As you know, under-aged wizards are not permitted to perform magic outside school, and further spellwork on your part may lead to expulsion from said school._

_This is your second warning, and your last. If we find this is brought up again, it **will** in you no longer attending Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry._

_Enjoy your holidays!_

_Your sincerely,_

_Mafalda Hopkirk_

_Improper Use of Magic Office_

_Ministry of Magic._

_(Also, if it wasn't too much trouble...could you send me your autograph? My daughter is a huge fan!)_

Barry looked at his hovering trunk,

"FUCK!" he yelled, everyone in the street turned to look at him. Not knowing what to do he began to run, thinking that if they were going to send him an owl telling him he couldn't return to Hogwarts, then it wouldn't be able to keep up with him. Stupid he knew, but he tried anyway. His trunk bobbed up and down behind him.

* * *

"What do mean they can't find him!" Andy cried.

"Well...Andy...He ran from his Aunt and Uncles, they have no idea where he is," Mr. Weasel said calmly, "He should've told his family where he was going, but he didn't so...We lost him."

"Is he going to be expelled?" Andrew asked, sewing Mrs. Weasel's shirt with a needle. The shirt had ripped and Mrs. Weasel's magic controlled (previously electricity) sewing machine had broken and she didn't know how to do it the muggle way. Andrew was the only one who knew how to sew by hand, ("I've never taken interest in such a boring domestic skill!" Mione huffed as everyone asked if she could sew, "Besides it's very sexist of you thinking I'd be the only one who would know! Andrew's muggle born too!").

"No, Cocoa is too worried about his safety to expel him."

"His safety?" Mione repeated, while Andrew said, "Cocoa?"

"We have a killer on the loose," Mr. Weasel said taking a sip of his coffee, "And Fredrick Cocoa, is the Minister of Magic."

Don pulled his eyes away from Jub,

"We do!"

"Don!" Mrs. Weasel scowled, "We've been talking about it at the dinner table for weeks now!"

"We have?" Don scratched his head trying to remember.

"Well, we weren't here," Jub said, "Who is it?"

"Have any of you heard of Serious Killer?"

Mione raised an eyebrow,

"Serious Killer?"

"Well...His real name is Sirius Keller, but it does sound awfully alike doesn't it?"

Several pairs of eyes were rolled.

"Anyway, what did Keller do?"

Mr. Weasel took a deep breath,

"Well, he was a big supporter of You-Know-Who. And the night He disappeared, Keller realised he had nothing, he was already insane and just proved it when he blew up a street of muggles and one wizard."

There was silence, wide eyed silence.

"Shit..." Lemo whispered as Andy let out a low whistle.

"W-Who was the wizard?" Mione asked.

"Peter Pettigree."

The whole kitchen was in silence, the only noise was the ghoul in the attic, small explosions coming from the twins room and the occasional, "Holy shit!"

"A finger," Mr. Weasel continuedholding up his own forefinger, "That's the biggest part of him they could find."

"Well, what's that got to do with B-Barry?" Lemo asked in a quivering voice, dreading the answer.

"He's after him."

More stunned silence, which wasn't broken until Andrew exclaimed excitedly,

"Hey! I get it!"

Everyone looked at him,

"Get what Drew?"

"Sirius/Serious, Keller/Killer!"

They all rolled their eyes again.


	3. Gred & Forge Put in Their Two Cent Worth

**Chapter three: Gred and Forge Put in Their Two Cents Worth**

Barry sat in the Leaky Cauldron reading his letters one from school and one from Lemo. The one from school was all about the books he required, when he was returning to school and a permission slip to be able to go to Hogsmeade. There was no way in hell he could get permission now...And Lemo's was mostly about how they should get together to throw a party for his fifteenth. That was probably the worst thing about being thrown out of Hogwarts, he'd not be able to see his friends everyday. He'd have his wand snapped and not be able do magic, he could hear the Dursley's sniggering now. Barry froze for a second, that sniggering wasn't a figmant of his imagination...he turned around in his chair to face Gred and Forge, Don's brothers sitting the a nearby table sniggering as they watched him talking to himself. Knowing they had been spotted, they got up and walked over to Barry,

"You know,"

"The most,"

"Obvious,"

"Place for a,"

"Nearly fifteen,"

"Year old..."

"Okay, Gred. This is stupid and a long way of saying something."

"But, it's cool! It confuses people!"

"Yea, and then they don't get what we're saying!"

"We don't get what we're saying half the time."

"Shut up! I get what we're saying even if you don't."

"Hey!"

Gred rolled his eyes,

"Barry, the first place the ministry should have looked for you was here. Considering you're fifteen, have no where else to go that's nearby and here's the only place they serve alcohol to people no matter how old they are..." He said pointing to Barry's water.

"That's water."

"Water! I thought it was that muggle drink, Vodka! What's wrong with you! They'll serve you here! See look at the kid there..."

Barry looked at the sixteen year old in the corner with a scotch bottle in his hand,

"What about him?"

"He's been in here since he was ten. He works in the kitchens to pay off his alcohol bill..."

"Really?"

Gred and Forge nodded.

"Okay Barry, here's what we're going to do-" Forge began when Barry realised something,

"How did you guys get here anyway?"

The boys stood up taller and looked proud,

"We got our licenses!" They both said.

"An apparating license?"

Their expressions dropped,

"Nah, we failed that. So we decided to do something a lot more simple!"

"And that would be...?"

"We got a muggles driver's license!" They pulled out almost identical drivers license.

"You guys passed?"

"Of course we did!" They admired their licenses, then swapped them realising they had each others.

"Well...er...Congratulations..."

"Thanks Barry!" Forge said.

"But this is a temperary fix. We're going to have another go at our apparating tests later this year." Gred said.

"Okay...Well good luck then..." Barry got up and turned to walk away when Forge and Gred stepped in front of him,

"Where do you think your going, mate?"

"Around...Since Hogwarts won't have me now..."

"What are you on about!"

"Well they gave me a last warning and I've already blown that."

"How did you 'blow' it exactly?" Gred asked.

Barry pointed at his floating belongings.

"Oh, well that's _easily_ solved!" Forge said, "You just tell the ministry official that you didn't have your stuff floating magically! Tell them it was probably some other wizard nearby..."

"That would work?" Barry asked doubtfully.

"Totally, we've done it before!"

Gred looked around,

"Now, Barry you come with us and we'll take you back to our place-"

"But-"

"No butting!" Gred said.

"You have worried friends and a paranoid girlfriend waiting-"

"Excuse me, Mr. Saucepan?" A round man in an ugly hat pushed in between Gred and Forge, "Barry it's been a wild goose chase finding you!"

"And you'd be...?"

"Fredrick Cocoa, Minister of Magic."

"Uh...Hi..." Barry said nervously. The colour drained from Gred and Forge's faces.

"Now, Barry it was irresponsible of you to run from your aunt and uncles. You'll be pleased Miss. Margret Dursley has been reduced to size and her memory wiped."

"And that'd please him? He did it for a reason-"

"Quiet, Mr. Weasel. Now, Barry I'm assuming you'd want to be escorted back to your aunt and uncles?"

Gred muttered darkly to Forge, causing Cocoa to turn and face them,

"Is there something you'd like to share with Barry and I?"

"Well, sir with great respect...Think about it, Barry hates those people! His family are pricks, and that cousin of his is _huge_!"

"But, they are still his family-"

"Yea, but he doesn't like them."

Cocoa looked at Barry.

"I don't like them," Barry said.

Cocoa sighed,

"Well you have to go somewhere..."

"Yea, he's coming to our place!"

With that, Gred and Forge lifted his luggage in one hand and then linked arms with Barry,

"C'mon Bazza, lets not keep Lemo waiting..."

* * *

"Barry!" Andrew said, through a mouthful of pins, "How's it?"

"Drew...What are you-"

"Sewing!"

"BARRY!" Something dressed in pink and blonde hair tackled Barry to the ground, knocking his glasses off, "I missed you so much! You shouldn't have run away like that! Oh! You don't have your glasses on!"

Barry struggled to think who this blonde haired mystery was, he put his glasses on and look at her,

"Lemo? Your blonde and...Pink..."

Lemo smiled disappeared, turning into a scowl,

"She did it!" She pointed her finger at Jub who was sitting on Don's lap, "She died my hair while I was sleeping! _And_ took away all my black!" Lemo looked down at her pink outfit and adjusted her skirt, "I look like a freak!"

"I think you look nice!" Jub said.

"Well I don't! I look like some bimbo who wants world peace and carries a freakin' dog in her _purse_!"

Barry patted her on the blonde head,

"You still look hot though..."

"Aww...That's so sweet. BUT YOU MUST BE FUCKING BLIND!"

"Language..." Mrs. Weasel warned as she threw together some sandwiches for Barry.

"Sorry, Mrs. Weasel..."

"It's only temporary for christ sake!" Jub said.

Lemo's eyes flashed,

"You said it was permanent!"

"No..." Jub said slowly, "Andy said it was permanent..."

Andy giggled nervously,

"I got to go..." she got up and ran, closely followed by Lemo, shouting,

"You know I can't run in this effing skirt!"

Barry watched her run off,

"She does look hot..."

"Don't let her hear you saying that again..." Emo said looking out the window to see Andy jumping over the creek and Lemo not seeing it and falling in, "Or it'll be you she'll be chasing..."

"So...You blew up your aunt?" Don changed the conversation.

"Uh. Yea."

"Wicked!"

"Donald Ronald Weasel! Don't get any ideas!"

"Mum...I just said it was wicked, I didn't say that's a great idea!"

"Yea, he knows the ministry'll have to dig him up if he does," Gred said, taking one of Barry's sandwiches.

"He'll be six feet under!" Forge added, taking the other sandwich.

"You two! I just made them for Barry!" Mrs. Weasel said grumpily as she began to make some more.

Andy suddenly burst through the front door, she looked around,

"Place to hide!" She said urgently, everyone shrugged helplessly, "Well your a fat lot of help!"

"YOUR DEAD ROSE!"

"_Levitanté_" Andy muttered and she floated up towards the roof and stayed floating there. Lemo came in moments later,

"Where is she!"

Everyone shrugged.

"Guuuuys..." Lemo moaned, "I saw her run in here!" Knowing no one else was going to tell her she ran to find Andy upstairs, almost knocking over Pierce who had just woken up. Over the summer Pierce had gotten a lot more piercings and a tatoo on his back, that Mrs. Weasel knew nothing about... Andy dropped down from the ceiling and went to sit next to Andrew. Barry looked from Mr. and Mrs. Weasel waiting for one of them to tell her off for using magic, but neither of them did. Probably because it was so harmless...Barry concluded.

"Morning all!" Pierce said sitting himself down at the table.

Mrs. Weasel tapped her foot impatiently,

"It's two o'clock in the afternoon!"

"Oh," Pierce looked mildly puzzled, "Afternoon then!"

Mrs. Weasel sighed and decided to let it go. Andy and Pierce met eyes and both of them blushed,

"Pierce."

"Andy."

"_Pierce_," Andrew glared at Pierce.

Mione looked at the three of them,

"You three, grow up! If it hadn't been for the abnormality potion, Andy and Pierce wouldn't have even _thought_ about getting married! And Pierce we all know you don't wear tutu's on a day to day basis..."

Mr. Weasel's head poked out from behind his newspaper,

"What's this about abnormality potion?"

Mione looked at him surprise,

"They...Uh...Didn't anyone tell you?"

"Tell us what?" Mrs. Weasel was now interested, she placed Barry's sandwiches in front of him, slapping Gred and Forge's hands at the same time.

"Well, someone drugged about an quater of the Gryffindors with abnormality potion. We think it was the pumpkin juice at one end of the table..Anyway Pierce (Dressed in a tutu) and Andy (With a serious attitude) decided to get married. Luckily Barry put a stop to it, otherwise the potion would have really caused some problems..."

Mr. Weasel chuckled,

"Really? What did you do, Mione?"

"Well...I..." Mione's cheeks pinked.

"She was a commitment phobic - with a suit of armor..." Barry said for her.

Several people sniggered, while Don cracked up.

"Shut up Don! At least people could understand what _I _was saying!"

"Shut up!"

Mr. and Mrs. Weasel looked at Barry,

"Don spoke gibberish."

"Oh? Really? Probably a big improvement!" Mrs. Weasel laughed as Don said,

"Muuum!"

Lemo came back down the stairs,

"Okay, I'm calm. I'm not going to kill you Andy..."

Andy sat back in her seat.

"Now, have all of you got your book lists!" Mrs. Weasel asked

Everyone nodded.

"Okay, that's tomorrows job...Barry, eat up..."******

* * *

MERRY CHRISTMAS! (Just incase I don't update before then) THANKS TO THOSE WHO LIKED MY STORIES, LEFT A REVIEW OR THOUGHT I WAS EVEN SLIGHTLY FUNNY! THANKS SO MUCH AND I HOPE YOU ALL HAVE A _HAPPY_, _SAFE_ AND _GREAT_ CHRISTMAS!**

LLP


	4. A NotSoSmooth Train Ride

**sugar high water uma****: lol I know, I'm scared to hear what the real Lemo's gona say...Hides under desk**

**And thanks to those who reviewed Chapter 2 and I didn't get round to thanking you: ****sugar high water um****a, SHADOW MASTER, ****I am a Banana****, Lemo, DragonOfWinter!**

**Also**

**Atten: Lemo and DragonOfWinter**

**According to the website DragonOfWinter was the quickest. I hate to break it to you Lemo. Better luck next time!**

**Chapter four: A Not-So-Smooth Train Ride**

"Write as often as you can! _All_ of you! That includes you Barry, Lemo etc..." Mrs. Weasel said waving as they all got onto the train, "Don, don't forget to change your underwear _every_day! If Barry or Andrew write to me again telling me you smell, there _will_ be trouble! Minnie, don't bitch behind peoples back this year! Gred, Forge, resist the urge to set fire to Flitwicks beard and _be nice to your new Defence Against the Dark Arts _teacher. Pierce, I don't want you getting _another_ tatoo!"

Pierce stopped in his tracks,

"You know about that!"

"I know everything dear, don't forget to put metholated spirits on the new piercings! You know what happened when you didn't look after the left nipple piercing don't you?"

Pierce winced at the memory,

"Don't remind me..."

Mrs. Weasel nodded,

"Good boy, also _pass_ this year. We know Dumbledore only let you progress out of the goodness of his heart and we don't want you having to sit seventh year again!" Pierce rolled his eyes and hopped on the train as it began to move.

* * *

Inside the compartment Barry tried to restrain himself from laughing, Lemo kept nervously touching her hair. There was only Andy, Barry, Andrew and Lemo in a compartment because everyone else had jammed into another compartment. They were left to share a small compartment with a slightly rugged looking man. He had a young feel about him, yet he still seemed old. This was probably because he had grey thinning hair and wrinkles. Regularly Andrew would poke him curiously with his (magical) wand, everytime he did this the man growled and rolled over. Andrew found this highly amusing, but Andy didn't, she hit him everytime he did it hissing at him to stop.

"But baaaaaaaaaabe, it's fun! Try it!" Andrew would protest.

* * *

Andy, Andrew, Barry and Lemo had begun a game of I spy when the train ground to a halt, and the air had a colder feel about it.

"We can't be there..." Lemo said, "Can we?"

"Maybe the drivers hurt?" Andy suggested, getting up to look out the compartment door, the train jutted knocking her onto the floor.

Am! You okay?" Andrew pulled her up.

"I'm fine, I'm fine!" andy sat back down on her seat.

"Maybe, the trolley lady's molestering him!" Andrew said.

"Ew! And no-" Lemo stopped, the compartment door swung open and Barry heard Andy scream, yet it sounded distant. Barry shook his head to clear his foggied mind, and suddenly everything looked normal again.

"He's dead! He's dead!" Lemo sobbed, "First Winston and now Barry!"

"W-What happened?" Barry grunted as he rose from the floor. He looked around, Andy was glaring at the large plant placed on the floor which had been near Barry's head, other than that everything was how it was before Barry fell to the floor.

"HE'S ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLIVE!' Lemo shouted she was about to throw her arms around him when she stopped, "Is it just me or do I have to say that _a lot_?"

Barry shook his head,

"You do...now what happened?"

"Well, Gred and Forge decided to let of some stink bombs. Only the joke shop got confused and gave them a fogging bomb. Turns out you and several people are allergic to the fog..." Andrew said, comforting Andy.

"But, I heard Andy scream!"

"Dude..." Andrew said pointing to the plant.

"What?" Barry said confused.

Lemo whispered in his ear,

"Andy's scared of magical plants remember?"

Barry's eyes grew round,

"Oh of course! But why is it here?"

"It's supposed to clear the gas. Oh okay..."

The train stopped suddenly. Again.

"What the hell? We can't be there already!" Barry said looking out the windows, which had begun to develop ice on them.

"That's odd, it not that cold-" Andrew began as the train jutted forward, then stopped again.

"Maybe Gred and Forge set off a snow bomb?"

"There's no such thing, Andy!" Lemo said.

"You never know! I never knew there was such thing as-"

"Shh!' Barry hissed. Further down the train they heard screaming, panic spread down the train. For once in his whole time of knowing them, Andy and Lemo looked sad and depressed. The compartment door burst open,

"Guys...? You okay?" Don said urgently, as the light flickered out, for what seemed to be no reason Don fell forward into the compartment and the door was slammed behind him. Everyone in the compartment were left in darkness.

"Don! Don! Are you okay!"

Don grunted from the ground, he pulled himself up and tried to sit down,

"Err...I'm here, Don," Barry said uncomfortably.

"Whoops!" Even in the darkness everyone could tell Don was blushing.

"Don't touch my man!" Lemo said, trying to find Don so she could hit him.

"Wasn't touching only sit-"

The compartment door opened once more.

"WHO IS IT THIS TIME!" Andrew roared, "You all know this is a small fucking compart-"

Andrew cut off as all of them had a new wave of emotion. All of them reliving their worst memories, worst feelings, worst-

Barry heard more screaming and Lemo panicked voice screaming,

"Barry! Where's Barry!"

Barry tried to find his voice to anwer her as he sank from his seat.

Suddenly the newly woken man sitting in the compartment said,

"Excuse young man please hop off me so I can sort out this dementor..."


	5. Still Alive, But Hearing Voices

**Hey guys! Love the reviews...**

**

* * *

Chapter five: Still Alive, But Hearing Voices**

Barry woke for the second time on the floor and Lemo's crying.

"What happened?"

"HE'S ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLIVE! Again!" Lemo cried throwing her arms around him.

"Eat this..." A piece of chocolate was shove under his nose, he took it gratefully but just stared at it, "It'll make you feel better..." Barry grunted his appreciation and bagan to nibble on the corners. Barry looked around, everything was blurred he didn't have his glasses on.

"Okay everyone, it seems he's fine. I'm going to go talk to the driver..."

Everyone murmored thank-you's and went silent looking at Barry,

"Who the fuck was that? He has good chocolate..."

"Uh...Saucepan, I haven't left yet."

Barry felt himself to go red, while several blurry people around him suppressed giggles,

"Do you want your glasses Barry?" Lemo asked offering him his glasses.

"Probably a good idea..." Barry muttered, he put them on and everything sharply came into view. Andy was slowly lifting the plant out the window, while quivering at the same time. Lemo was kneeling by his side patting his forehead. Andrew was reading a magazine, while Emo, Nick, Don, Jonny, Mione, Jub and Minnie all crammed into the tiny compartment. The old/young man was making his way to the compartment door.

"Sir?" Barry called to him, even though he wasn't that far away.

"Yes, Barry?"

"How do you know who I am?"

"Well for starters, they all told me. And second, you have your mother's eyes and there's a stricking resemblance between you and your father...Now if you'd all move for a second, I could get out of here..." The man pushed through gently and exited the compartment.

"Who is he?" Barry asked.

"Our new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher," Andrew said, while taking the plant out of Andy's hand and easing her back into her seat.

"Really? What his name?"

"Professor Loopy," Mione said from the doorway.

"You're kidding?"

"Nope..." Jonny pointed to the man's briefcase, in chipping gold letter is said: _Professor Remus Loopy_.

"Poor guy..." Lemo said sympathetically, "His name is stupid."

"Hey! Barry! You and him could form a club! The _We Have Stupid Last Names Club_!" Don said with a laugh. Everyone looked at him.

"Why form a club called that? Why not, _Pickles Rule All Club_! Or..." Andy pondered.

"...The _Weasels Love Us Club_!" Lemo said, "I'd join that club right away." She helped Barry off the floor.

"What about: _We Were Obsessed With Barry Saucepan Support Group_!" Minnie exclaimed.

Everyone now looked at her,

Hey! At least _my_ idea helps people in some way!" Minnie defended her club.

"Well _I_ think it's a good idea," Jonny said putting an arm around her.

"Shut up."

Lemo glared at Minnie,

"Don't tell my brother to shut up!"

"You're admitting we're related!" Jonny said in surprise.

"Shut up," Lemo told him, "Minnie Weasel, no one tells my brother to shut up!"

"Let it go..." Barry whispered in her ear, now he was sitting on a compartment seat. Lemo glared at at Minnie once more but decided to listen to Barry.

"So what happened? I heard screaming..." Barry asked.

"Screaming?"

"There was screaming."

Lemo shook her head,

"I think you hit your head on the way down..."

"You guys didn't hear-"

"Barry baby? Did you hit your precious little head on the way down?" Everyone turned and looked at the door. Standing there leaning against the wall, was Dracola Malfoy.

"Go away Malfoy."

"What if I don't wana? What if I want to stay here and feel more superior? Comparing myself to you blood traitors and mudbloods."

"Well you if you don't 'wana' leave, then I'm sure Lemo and Minnie will make you reconsider, as for Andy I'm sure she can remember that spell...The one she used at christmas in first year?" Barry said, smiling pleasantly. If it was possible, Malfoy paled,

"So? I don't care...Where is the goth anyway?"

Lemo bared her teeth and growled.

"Oh! _There_ you are! What happened? Fell in a tub of paint did we?"

Barry put a hand on Lemo's shoulder, she sat back in her seat,

"Just shut the door Mione..."

Before Malfoy could react the door was slammed in his face.

* * *

As soon as they arrived at the castle Madam Pomfrey made a beeline for Barry,

"Hide me," he muttered, "I haven't even been here one day and she's already after me..." Barry ducked behind Lemo, then blended into a group of seventh years.

"Barry Saucepan! Come to the Hospital Wing immediately!" Madam Pomfrey yelled over the heads, she finally reached Lemo, "Where is he?"

Lemo looked puzzled,

"Where is who?"

Madam Pomfrey did a double take,

"Oh sorry dear, I thought you were someone else...You haven't happened to- No, wait you _are_ Roberts! You've look like you did when-" Madam Pomfrey cut herself off once more, "_Abnormal le poulet!_" Nothing floated above Lemo, "Roberts, are you feeling okay?"

Lemo scowled and walked off.

"Roberts! Where's Saucepan!"

Lemo continued to walk away to the Gryffindor table.

"ROBERTS! I'm talking to you!"

**

* * *

Hey, I just had a thought! You know the animals that tow the Hogwarts carridges? (Can't remember their name...) Well Harry is supposed see them when he witnesses death, right? Well he of course saw Cedric die, but that's not the first death he saw though...He supposedly only saw the animals in his fifth year. BUT when the dementors come near him, he hears his mother being murdered, right? And James was trying to hold Voldemort back, while his mother ran with Harry. SO since he was a baby he wouldn't have gone anywhere when his mother was killed. MEANING he witnessed his mother's death and that he should see the animals earlier, eg: 3rd and 4th book. ALSO he witnessed Quirell die in the 1st book, coz he saw Voldemort escaped his body, so that's ANOTHER death. And the pheonix dies and then is reborn again, he saw Fawkes catch fire and die didn't he? Yes, it was reborn straight after, but it's still death! And then in the second book he saw the Basilisk die as well! Even if the death has to be human, there's still at least two deaths he witnessed before the fourth book. That's why I chose to miss out the carridges here...**

**Anyway thanks for reading to my waffling, which may be so wrong and your sitting there shaking your head going, "Dumb Bitch" but ANYWAY!**

**Review please!**

**LLP**


	6. The Hat Sorts Almost Identical Twins

**Hey guys! I'm writing this from my mates car at present on my way to the campsite. P AND I did the night shift at work so I've only had three hours sleep! But oh well we'll see what happens to the plot. Now as you will see soon I'm intoducing two new characters! Their a set of twins and two of my lovely reviewers, so Anna (Rianna) and Rosay (Rosa) Kentson. Their not actually twins in real life but I thought they should be also Anna mostly goes by Cheesy, and Rosay mostly goes by Banana! Their from New Australia. Also, hate be a pain in the ass but could you review every chapter individually? Coz, I'd like to know what chapter's you prefer, see what you guys like! Thanx, you guys rock!**

**Warning: It's that time again! Crappy song yet to follow...**

**Chapter six: The Hat Sorts Almost Identical Twins**

Once everyone had found their seats, Professor McGonagall strolled into the hall with the sorting hat; she placed it down on the stool she bought out with it. Everyone in the hall was now looking at the hat as the first years walked in through a side entrance, but they all ignored them.

"Hey..." Mione whispered, "The last two aren't-"

"Shh!' Seamus hissed.

Barry tried to see what Mione was on about, but locked eyes with Madam Pomfrey who had been staring at him, she pointed two fingers at her eyes and then at him mouthing, '_I'm watching you Saucepan!_' Barry shivered and began to pay attention to the Sorting hat, whose brim had just formed a mouth and began to sing,

"_I'm a hat, yes I am,_

_But I'm the next best thing,_

_Since raspberry jam._

_Gryffindor! Ravenclaw! Slytherin! Hufflepuff!_

_And my decision is final,_

_So if you don't like what I chose...Then tough._

_I can tell you what house,_

_That best suits you,_

_So you'll love Hogwarts,_

_As much as I do._"

Everyone clapped unenthusiastically; it seemed the sorting hat was getting rather lazy with his songs...McGonagall stood up,

"When I call your name come up and put the hat on your head...Alexander, Arthur!"

Slowly the line of first years went down, as Don stared longingly at the empty dishes as though willing them to fill with food before the ceremony finished. When all the first years had been sorted it was obvious there were two third years waiting to be sorted. The whole ceremony the pair had been squealing, giggling and pulling faces. Dumbledore rose from his seat,

"Attention all! We have some exchange students from Cheddartin School of Magic in New Australia, we should feel honoured they've come such a long way to join us! And please welcome them with welcome arms into your classrooms and possibly your house."

The girls stopped and stood up straight, they were obviously twins, almost identical except one had darker brown hair. McGonagall looked at her list and raised her eyebrows,

"Kentson, Anna-Cheesy?"

The twin with lighter coloured brown hair bounced over to the hat and popped down on the stool,

"Hello hat..." was the last thing she said before the hat dropped over her eyes.

After a moment of thinking,

"GRYFFINDOR!"

Anna-Cheesy ripped the hat off and ran to the Gryffindor to watch her twin being sorted.

"Kentson, Rosary-Banana?"

McGonagall shook her head as the second twin ran eagerly for the hat and rammed it on her head,

"I'd like to be the house as-"

"GRYFFINDOR!"

Rosary-Banana screamed happily then ran blindly for the Gryffindor table - with the hat still on.

"Kentson! Can we please have the hat back?" McGonagall sighed; she hadn't been this worried about the new Gryffindors since Leah Roberts and Andy Rose.

Anna-Cheesy ripped out her wand and flicked and made it fly across the hall back to McGonagall, only not entirely controlling it. McGonagall as the hat hit her squarely in the head. Everyone in the hall gasped as Anna-Cheesy began apologising, as Rosary-Banana sat down at the table and began to eat the food on the table asking Lemo if she could pass the bananas. Andy looked at her in awe,

"You like Bananas?"

"Yep!"

Andy grinned,

"So do I! So is your name really Banana?"

Rosary shook her head,

"It doesn't say that on my birth certificate, but every calls me Banana and I added it to my enrolment form!"

"Nice to meet you Banana...I'm Andy!" Andy shook Banana's hand, "...and this is Lemo, Drew, Mione, Don..." Andy carried on telling her all the names of pretty much everyone at the table. Anna-Cheesy finished apologising and finally sat down beside her sister to hear the last of Andy's introductions, "And that guy is some random dude from my Transfiguration class...That chick is a first year, and he...He's some other dude..."

Lemo moaned,

"Andy! You don't know half these people!"

"Yea I do!" Andy argued, "And that's guy _might_ be called Ben...But I'm not sure..." She reached for a banana.

"DON'T TOUCH! THEIR _ALL_ MINE!" Banana cried grabbing all the bananas away from all the people at the table, "_Mine_." She added just to make sure the point was obvious.

Andy pulled her hand away looking affronted,

"Uhh...Okay..."

**There we go guys! Watcha think? I hope I am a Banana and Cheesy Cheeseball like their characters!**


	7. Barry Drones On

**Hey guys! Writing this from a tent at three o'clock! Wooohooo go me!**

**Chapter seven: Barry Drones On**

"FREE!" Lemo cried as her, Andy, Cheesy and Banana (They were the perfect level of craziness to fit in perfectly with the rest of the group), sprinted away from the dungeons, behind them they heard Snape yelling at them for running from class early. Seconds later the bell rang, so he began yelling at them for running in the corridors.

"Lemo! Wait up! Where are you going!" Barry called after her. Lemo suddenly came to a halt, Andy, Cheesy and Banana didn't stop in time and knocked her over, they all toppled over like bowling pins. Somewhere from near the bottom Lemo's muffled voice spoke,

"We're going to the common room!"

"What? Lemo! We have Quiditch practise!"

"We do? Who said?"

"Well McGonagall took me aside earlier and said I was the captain of the second year team-"

"But why do we have to practise?" Andy whined.

"Yeah!" Emo complained coming up from behind him, "Quidditch season's _ages_ away!"

Lemo and Andy nodded as they pulled themselves up.

"Hey, your guys are on the Quidditch team? Wow cool-"

"That's the point; no one else has bothered to start training. If we start practising first then we'll be a lot more prepared than the other teams!" Barry interrupted Cheesy.

"So...?" Lemo asked, "We don't need to practise! We're great! Except maybe Andrew..." she added cheekily as Andrew finally caught up with them - he was too 'sophisticated' to run, but they all know he didn't want to mess up his hair.

"Hey-"

"We do!"

"Don't!"

"Do!"

"Don't!"

"Do!"

"Don't!"

"Do!"  
"Don't!"

"Do!"

"Don't!"

Banana and Cheesy looked back and forth between Barry and Lemo as they argued. While Andrew brushed Andy down and patted her hair back into place, and she rolled her eyes.

"Do!"

"Don't!"

"Do!"

"Don't!"

"Don't!"

"Barry Saucepan for the last time we DO!" Lemo yelled at him.

"I'm glad you see it my way!" Barry grinned, "See you on the pitch..." He ran off before Lemo could figure it all out. Lemo scratched her head for a few seconds before realising what he had done,

"BARRY! YOU _TRICKED_ ME!"

* * *

Andrew, Lemo, Emo, Don, Seamus and Andy stood in a crooked line as Barry paced back and forth ranting on about tactics. He didn't notice that no one was listening, except maybe Don, but he was weird and was eager for tips. But Lemo was counting the blades of grass around her feet, Andy was leaning heavily on Andrew snoring softly, Andrew had his wand out and was trying to charm Andy's nose clear so she'd stop snoring, he only successfully turning her nose purple and was panicking trying to fix it. Seamus was hitting on Emo (who was currently going out with Jayden, for an _amazing_ two months); Emo was ignoring him and trying to find spilt ends in her hair.

"Are you listening to me!" Barry finally stopped in is tracks and looked at them, straight away everyone straightened up and look attentive, Andy looking rather odd with her purple nose. Barry frowned, "You weren't listening to me were you?"

They all shook their heads,

"We were listening to you!" Andrew protested.

Barry folded his arms,

"Really? What did I say?"

Andrew hid his panic well,

"Well, Barry we've been listening for a long time. Which pacific topic would you like me to summarise."

Barry looked confused,

"What the fuck? Andrew, just tell me the last thing I said!"

Andrew paused for a second and decided to guess,

"You were talking about how Lemo and I should focus more on directing the bludgers away from and you because there's only one of you in your positions?"

Barry threw his hands up in the air,

"No!"

"Uh...What then?"

"I was telling you guys how great it was for me to be the captain, because I'll really enjoy it!"

"Just that?" Lemo asked.

Barry nodded,

"Yes!"

"For the _whole_ hour?"

"Ye- Oh just go get on your bloody brooms..."

They grabbed their brooms eagerly and took off from the ground, as he took off with them Barry said,

"Andy, what happened to you nose!"

"My nose?" she touched her nose. Andrew looked panicked again,

"N-Nothing Andy, he's just teasing you..."

Andy shrugged,

"Whatever..."


	8. Snape's in a Bad Mood

**Hey guys! Not even gona bother telling you where I am! I mean, you probably skip the author note...lol hope ya like! )**

**LLP**

**Chapter eight: Snape's in a Bad Mood**

All hot and sweaty the members of the Gryffindor third year Quidditch team walked into the Great Hall, within moments, Lemo and Andy collapsed in a heap on the floor,

"Tired!"

Barry rolled his eyes and stepped over them,

"Get over it, more is to-"

"Mr. Barry Saucepan!"

"What?" Barry looked down to see..."Cobby? What are you doing here!"

"Barry is that the rabid dishtowel?"

"Shh...Lemo, why are you here?"

Cobby fidgeted nervously with his t-shirt which had replaced the grotty dishtowel,

"Cobby was dismissed from the Malfoy's because he-"

"MALFOY!" Andrew, Don, Emo and Lemo growled together, Andy looked up,

"Huh?"

Cobby nodded, sock covered ears flapping,

"Yes, Malfoy's they dismissed Cobby because he was telling Barry Saucepan, things he shouldn't have..."

"I'm sorry Cobby," Barry looked sympathetic.

But Cobby brightened,

"Not meaning to speak ill of his previous family, but Cobby is pleased he was dismissed!"

"Why?" Lemo said still on the floor.

"Because..." Cobby dropped his voice to a whisper and looked around, "Cobby thought the Malfoy's were..." He looked around again, "_meanies_!"

Lemo, Andy, Barry, Andrew, Emo and Don raised their eyebrows.

"_Meanies_?" Don scoffed.

"Yea," Andrew agreed, "Why not fags? Dumbasses?"

"Evil shits!" Lemo chipped in.

"Bastards!"

"Bitches!"

"Cows!"

"Cows?" Everyone now looked at Emo.

"What?" She shrugged, "What's wrong with cows?"

"Nothing!" Lemo exclaimed, "Why use them as an insult!"

"Yea! Cows are beautiful creatures!" Andy said.

Emo began to walk away,

"Whatever, just trying to help. I'm going to see Jayden..."

They all waved as Seamus shouted after her,

"He's a cheating scum bag! As for me...Well I'm a gentleman, I'm-"

"-An idiot, not going to happen Seamus!" Emo called over her shoulder as she left the Great Hall out into the corridor. As soon as she left the Great Hall, Lemo muttered,

"You'd have to change your name Seamus, she only like you if you begin 'J'..."

"My middle name's Jordan..."

* * *

"Saucepan! Your blood pressure needs to be checked!" Madam Pomfrey tried to push through the crowd to get to Barry, who continued to run and duck so she couldn't catch him. He was already late...Barry burst into Defence Against the Dark Arts five minutes late, expecting to see Lupin at the front of the class with another live magical creature for them to learn how to defend themselves against, only it wasn't him today.

"What are you doing here?"

"Good day to you to Saucepan, sit down you're already late." Snape said shuffling some papers on the desk.

"Where's Professor Lupin?" Barry asked not moving.

Snape chose to ignore him,

"Make it snappy Saucepan..."

"But-"

"Sit."

Barry rolled his eyes and sat down.

"TEN POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR!"

"What? What for?" Barry protested getting his equipment out.

"For inappropriate use of eyes!"

"What-?"

Lemo kicked Barry,

"Shut up...Andy already had five points taken from Gryffindor for sneezing too loud..."

Snape grinned in satisfaction as Barry stopped in mid sentence,

"Now. Professor Lupin has fallen ill and found himself incapable of teaching this lesson," He looked almost _happy_, if Snape was ever happy, "Of course I naturally stepped in to _help_, Turn to page one hundred and ninety-four..."

The class grabbed their books and hurriedly turned to the page, Mione one of the first,

"Vampires?" Mione said, "But sir! We're not supposed to start nocturnal beasts for-"

"What?" Snape barked he grabbed her book and checked the page number, he cursed, "One hundred and _eighty_-four!"

"But you said-"

"Quiet Roberts!"

Lemo pulled a face,

"What's up your-"

"TEN POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR!"

"What! What for _now_!"  
"Insulting the teacher with rude comments."

"Well, if you want to hear rude-"

"ANOTHER ten points from Gryffindor!" Snape furiously waved his wand and it promptly turned into a rubber chicken, "WEASEL TWINS! DETENTION AND TWENTY POINTS _EACH_ FROM GRYFFINDOR!"

"Well, screw you!" Gred yelled from above them as Forge sent sparks through the ceiling, they arrange into letters and spelt out a series of messages such as, '_Seen Mr. Foofy, Professor?_' (Snape paled to see this message) and '_We know all your secrets_!' If it wasn't for the fact that grease dulled light, Snape would've glowed with anger, "I'll deal with you later..." he said through clenched teeth.

"Werewolves! But sir we're-"

Snape flicked his wand and tape appeared over Mione's mouth.

"Shut up, would you? Ten points from Gryffindor for being an insufferable know-it-all...On with the lesson..." Snape tried to get rid of the Weasel's writing only it didn't disappear, "Double detention!" He yelled prodding the ceiling with a nearby broom.

There was a thump, and then Flitwicks squeaky voice sounded through the castle,

"You bumped my books over Serverus! MY BOOKS!"


	9. Quidditch Surprises and Disaster Strikes

**MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**

**Chapter nine: Quidditch Surprises and Disaster Strikes. Hard.**

"Attention students!" Dumbledore rose from his seat and waved his wand, setting off sparks grasping everyone in the halls attention, "I have an announcement, due to circumstances we will now be playing host to the dementors, here at Hogwarts. As you know they have thought of reasons to suspect Sirius Keller has been making his way to Hogwarts. This is why they boarded the Hogwarts express at the beginning of the term. Now they and the ministry have decided to have them here on a temporary basis."

The hall broke out into annoyed, frightened and worried voices. Over the noise of it all Don asked loudly when they were going to eat, while even louder, Cheesy and Banana argued which was better: cheese or bananas. Dumbledore waved his wand once more,

"But on a lighter note, because of last year's circumstances, we are going to announce Quidditch season early! In fact the first match for second years is scheduled for Saturday! We will be announcing the first year teams later in the term..." Dumbledore smiled, enjoying the panicked whispers of the third years. All except the Gryffindor team, because they had been practising nearly every afternoon.

"You knew something didn't you!" Lemo accused Barry.

Barry's mouth remained open,

"I swear I didn't! I was just being obsessive about being captain!"

"So you admit it _now_-" Andy said while Banana cut her off,

"BANANA!"

* * *

"Their so ghastly..."

"They suck out all the hope I ever felt..."

"They suck the _life_ out of me!"

"They smell bad!"

Barry, Lemo, Don, Andy, Andrew, Banana and Cheesy sat on the lakes edge listening to other students complaining about the dementors. (Not Snape, like some of you _may_ have been thinking...) Mione and Emo were absent from the group because they were sitting in the library, but the group had reason to suspect Emo went there for the student librarian, not the books...

"So...Barry when is our next Quid-" Lemo began as she rest her head on his chest. A shadow appeared fell upon the group,

"Saucepan."

"Malfoy."

"I heard your captain of the Gryffindor third year quidditch team."

"What's it to you?"

"Well..." Malfoy smirked and folded his arms; his large sidekicks appeared at his side and grunted obediently, "I'm captain of the Slytherin team."

"So? Is that supposed to be a threat Malfoy? I'd call it an advantage for us. We've already been training already, but we shouldn't have bothered if your captain for Slytherin..."

Malfoy glared at him,

"Don't you worry Saucepan, I'll make you life living hell and-"

"Wait in line Malfoy!" McGonagall said pushing him aside, "Saucepan I have a few messages for you: there's no room in the third year bewitching class, you'll be starting Divination next week...Also under certain circumstances you will have to be accompanied by a member of the staff for future Quidditch matches and Madam Pomfrey offered to-"

"Madam Pomfrey!" Barry exclaimed jumping up and knocking Lemo into the lake, "NO! No way! No way in hell!"

"Saucepan! If it wasn't for Madam Pomfrey offering her services, you wouldn't be able to play at all! Be grateful, infact you should be thanking her!"

Barry groaned and rolled his eyes, still unaware Lemo was being dragged in by the Giant Squid, slowly drowning.

"Don't roll your eyes at me young man! Don't forget about Divination..." McGonagall turned on her heel, "And Malfoy, I see you sniggering over there...Fifteen points from Slytherin and if you annoy Saucepan, you'll serving detention with me!"

"But-"

"Move away Dracola Malfoy!"

Dracola rolled his eyes.

"Ten points from Slytherin for inappropriate use of eyes!" She walked off laughing softly, only Barry noticed.

"SHIT! She's drowning!"

Andy and Cheesy dived in as Banana looked around,

"Who's drowning?"

Barry spun around,

"Oh my god! The squid's going to friggen eat her!"

Lemo disappeared into the watery depths as Barry dived in as well, joining Andy and Cheesy's frantic swimming and searching under the water. Finally they swam out of the water, Andy was chocking back tears she pulled seaweed from her hair, instinctively Andrew got up and grabbed her into a hug as she sobbed into his shoulder. Barry fought back tears and looked at the others,

"L-Lemo, she's gone."


	10. Lemo Talks to the Squid

**MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**

**Came home early coz there was wind warnings! P. So not as many chaps as planned! )**

**Chapter ten: Lemo Talks to the Squid**

Lemo felt the squid pull her deeper and deeper into the lake; she tried to stay calm, knowing that panic would not help the situation. But she felt her chest tighten; head ache and ears feel as though they were going to burst. '_So this is what dying feels like? Suction cups holding your legs tightly and chest tightening and- _' The squid suddenly pulled her into a huge glass like bubble along the floor of the lake. Lemo braced herself for pain only to discover she could breathe, it was an air bubble.

"What the?" The squid let go of Lemo's legs and allowed her to pull herself up, Lemo looked around the bubble. She curiously shoved her arm out of the edge of the bubble and felt it hit the cool lake water, she then pulled it back in and it was surrounded by air once more, "This is way cool..."

The Squid ducked back out of the bubble once more and dived back into the lakes water, then dived back into the bubble. Lemo was beginning to wonder how it was coping in the air, but she was wondering a number of things...Like why she was down here. She was tempted to ask the squid, but thought it'd be silly, then the squid raised one tentacle in the air and motioned for her to look at him, he then began to write in the slightly damp sand,

'_Lemo, isn't it?_'

Lemo looked at it in shock,

"You know English!"

'_I understand and can write it and one time could speak it,_

_but at this current moment in time I can't speak, therefore I must speak to you through this method._'

Lemo almost passed out,

"You're no normal Giant Squid are you?"

'_Your a bright girl, I'm not, but now is not the time._

_What has happened to your weasel?_'

Lemo looked upset,

"My baby!" She sobbed, "He was so young! He had so much to live for!"

'_I'm sorry?_'

"Last year when the Chamber of Smells was opened, I was looking for Winston, when he ran off. And he was killed by the over grown lump of a snake!" Lemo cried. The squid looked alarmed,

'_The weasel's dead?_'

Lemo nodded.

'_But, he was a good mate of mine!_'

"You were friends with my weasel!"

The squid did an odd upward movement; Lemo assumed it was a nod, "I guess you must understand how upset I am then..." It repeated the movement,

'_I'm sorry but you must go, in a few moments the bubble will move to another position in the lake._'

"But-"

Lemo was catapulted by the squid through the water as the bubble vanished; she ripped through until she broke the surface and flew up into the air, landing heavily on the lake edge. Andy and Andrew were the only two still there, Andy screamed,

"She's alive!"

As Lemo lost consciousness.


	11. Professor Tregrassy and a Gotbog

**'Lo, came home early coz there was wind warnings! P. So not as many chaps as planned! )**

**I am a Banana: Yea, I said you guys were from New Australia coz you see Cheesy from Oz and since your from NZ (Coz of the review where complained with people being confused about where NZ was, SEE! I listen and absorb info! Go me!) I had to decide which country you guys could come from. But I was to lazy to make a descision, so I made up a country. Hope you don't mind! lol**

**Chapter eleven: Professor Tregrassy and a Gotbog**

Barry and co. stood around Lemo bed in the hospital wing as she slowly regained consciousness, she coughed up some plant from the bottom of the lake. In the corner Madam Pomfrey was interogating Andrew,

"Now, lets make sure I follow you. She fell in, and then the _squid_ pulled her under. She was under the water for _three quaters of an hour_?" Madam Pomfrey frowned, not believing Andrew.

"It's true Miss!"

Madam Pomfrey raised an eyebrow,

"Andrew Watson? Are you smoking majiuana?"

"What _are_ you on about!"

"Wasn't it you who had the smoking on your school record for muggle school?"

Andrew stared at her,

"Your saying _someone_ in third year, was caught smoking pot at their muggle school?"

"So, it was three quaters of an hour?" Madam Pomfrey repeated.

"Who was it Miss.?"

"I'll go alert the Headmaster of this incident!"

"Who?"

"Let it go, Watson," Madam Pomfrey made a quick getaway through her office door.

Andrew stroked his chin as he pondered who it was.

"Lemo? You okay?" Barry asked urgently.

"I'm fine," She grunted as she sat up and went to walk out of bed, "Time to leave, this place is for sick people..."

Don burst through the door with Jub in tow,

"Is she okay!"

"Bit late Don, she's already concious, she knows you were late."

"Late? I'm not late! Everyone else was just...early..."

Lemo was now making her way to the door, when suddenly an alarm went off, moments later Madam Pomfrey appeared,

"Roberts! What do you think you are doing!"

Lemo blushed,

"I'm leaving?"

"No! No you're not! You go back to bed, right away!"

"But I feel fine!"

"BED!"

Lemo sighed and walked back to her bed and climbed in as everyone else held back laughing. She glared at them, then put the covers back over her head,

"How did you know I was leaving anyway? I mean, didn't you go see Dumbledore?"

"_Professor_ Dumbledore and the bracelet on your wrist triggered the magical security system."

Several of them gasped,

"When was that installed?" Barry asked, he didn't remember wearing a bracelet.

"This year," Madam Pomfrey said proudly, "Now, all of you out! Roberts needs her sleep!"

* * *

A pale, tired and fraile looking Professor Loopy stood at the front of the room leaning on a wardrope, Barry knew this class was going to be a lot better class than recent classes, Snape had set them 4 foot long essays on Werewolves and how to identify one and one essay on Vampires just to shut Lemo up, (She wrote three feet over the required two feet.)  
"Now...Children, I'm sorry I've been away, I've been very ill. But I promise to make up to you...I'm going to teach you how to defend yourselves! Now would anyone like to hazard a guess as to what may be in here?" He asked, straight away Mione's hand shot up, many people rolled their eyes,

"Sir! It's a Gotbog!"

Professor Loopy nodded,

"Ten points for Gryffindor! Now-"

"REMUS!"

The class all jumped, while Professor Loopy turned around calmly,

"Yes, Professor Tregrassy?"

The rather odd looking woman with huge thick glasses hiccuped,

"You're in grave danger!"

Professor Loopy looked as though he was holding back rolling his eyes,

"So, I've heard..."

"It's to do with you being-"

"Really? Fascinating!" Professor Loopy cut across Professor Tregrassy's words, "Perhaps, you could go back to your students and-"

Professor Tregrassy hiccuped once more,

"Remus! I know when my talent isn't appreciated!"

"I didn't mean it like that!"  
"I know you didn't, I meant my students!"

"Oh. Well. Uh...Can get back to teaching my students?"

Professor turned as though she just noticed the class all standing there eye-balling her,

"Oh! First years! Their so adorable!"

Several people frowned as Andrew stood up taller and patted his hair,

"Miss., we're third year."

"_Your_ third year! They smaller and smaller..." Professor Tregrassy said distractedly, waving her hand, "Wait, third year? Barry Saucepan in here?"

Barry hid behind Lemo,

"No..."

"There you are! I heard your starting Divination with me!"

Barry groaned,

"Great..."

Professor Tregrassy paled,

"My boy! You're going to die! In seven days!"

"What?"

"Lizzy, time to get back to your class..." Professor Loopy gently guided Tregrassy back to the door.

"No! I must-"

"Here the door...Out you go..." Professor Loopy pushed her the extra few metres and shut the door quickly, before muttering a locking charm. From outside they heard Tregrassy knocking on the door,

"Remus, I believe your door has become stuck..."

"Now as I was saying," Professor Loopy half shouted over Tregrassy, "A Gotbog turns into whatever you fear most. Luckily all you need is a simple spell to defend yourself. Only the spell alone won't finish off the Gotbog. Repeat after me..._Stupidio_..."

"_Stupidio_!" The class repeated.

"Good," Professor Loopy nodded, "Now, I'm going to release the Gotbog, I want you all to form a line and picture your worst fear as something amusing. Go!"

Everyone rushed to form a line as Malfoy commented loudly how this class was "Stupidio", Resulting in him being shoved toward the back by the Kentson twins.

"You're at the front Roberts! I'm impressed!" Professor Loopy commented. Lemo looked around her and relised he was right,

"Hey!"

"One...Two...Three..."

"I'M NOT READY FOR THIS FUCKING WHAT'S-A-MI-CALL-IT!"

The lock of the wardrope clicked open.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

The room was filled with pure darkness as Lemo howled,

"SHIT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Lemo continued to scream when she suddenly stopped,

"_Stupidio_!" The room began flashing colors, purple, green, orange, blue and others. Several people gasped,

"It's so pretty..."

"Well done Roberts! Next!"

Andy stepped forward, the colors disappeared and was replaced by...

Malfoy sniggered,

"A Venius Magical Man-Eater? It's a bloody plant Rose!"

Andy ignored him,

"_Stupidio_!" The plants snapping jaws were replaced with marshmellows.

"Ranger!"

Professor McGonagall appeared before their eyes, tapping her foot,

"_I'm sorry Mione Ranger, you failed all your-_"

"_Stupidio_!"

"Kentson! Err..._Rosary_ Kentson..."

A clown clothed McGonagall turned into a dying plant, Banana gasped,

"It's not real..." She muttered.

"_Another_ one afraid of plants! It's just a dying Banana tree thing!" Malfoy scoffed.

"_Stupidio_!"

The plant burst into life.

"Watson!"

A person appearing to be smothered by black hair and a bald Andrew stood nearby trying to get da hair off the struggling person appeared. Andrew whimpered, as Andy raised an eyebrow,

"The hell's going on here Drew?"

"M-My hair! It's _gone_! I'm bald! It's evil! It's smothering you!"

"What! Your hair is supposedly killing me? That's your biggest fear? Being bald and your _hair_ smothering me!"

"_STUPIDIO_!"

Andy rolled her eyes.

"Other Kentson! And thanks Watson for sharing that...err..._unique_ fear..."

Cheesy stepped forward and waited for the Gotbog to change, slowly it changed to resemble a vampire, she screamed,

"IT'S POOPY!"

"Poopy?" Andrew asked.

Banana nodded, "Yep, Poopy. Childhood fear of a vampire called Poopy..."

"Okay..."

"Hey! You can't talk crazy haired freak..."

"Shut up..." Andrew blushed.

Barry laughed and stepped forward ready to face the half alien, cheesy vampire.

"Great! Saucepan! Saucepan!" Professor Loopy jumped in front of Barry, the Gotbog turned into a silver orb, "_Stupidio_!" The orb turned into a balloon and whizzed around the room, "Time to pack up I think!"


	12. Divination

**Chapter twelve: Divination**

Barry dragged his to Divination, when he heard a yell from behind him,

"Barry!" Barry spun around and saw Andy coming towards him. He noticed the group they hung out in had begun to split, Mione would go to the library, Emo would be with Joel from the Hufflepuff third quidditch team (He think they may have been together before but he couldn't remember), Don and Jub walked off together, Nick often went to the library with Mione, (Andy swears he had a crush on Mione), Banana and Cheesy tended to disappear for great amounts of time then reappear an hour or so later, so Andrew, Andy, Lemo and him were left alone. Barry wasn't complaining it meant when they were hanging out it was so chaotic but he did kind of miss the bustle.

"Andy? What are you doing here?"

Andy took a deep breath,

"Well I thought divination was in another tower, I climbed to the top and _then_ relised it was the friggen owlery thing!"

Barry resisted the urge to laugh, Andy was smart, but alot of the time he really had to wonder...

"Well you're here now...But why?"

It was Andy turn to look at him as though he was stupid,

"I'm taking Divination too!"

"What? Why? Did a class run out for you too?"

Andy shook her head,

"I was curious about the subject!"

Barry looked at her.

"Okay, okay, Care of Magical Creatures class was too full. But apparently Malfoy's pissed, he got told the class was full. So he got his dad to write a letter, so _I_ got taken out and then," Andy's face broke into an evil grin, "Malfoy found out who the new teacher is and now wants out!"

"Who's the new teacher?"

"Hagrid."

"Hagrid?"

Andy nodded,

"We better get a move on or we'll be late..."

* * *

"Be ready to see things you've never seen before! I'm going to start with showing off a bit..." Professor Tregrassy chuckled, "Using only my inner eye, I shall tell you what the day and month you were born!"

Two other Gryffindor girls squealed and clung to their seat in anticipation. Barry eyed them warily,

"Who are those two?" he whispered to Andy.

"Uhh...Ones called Lavender or Dandylion or something...No idea who the-"

"You, first!" Tregrassy pointed at a nearby boy who Barry had suspicion to believe was called Bob, "You boy were born on-" she looked at her hand, that look like it had the roll written on it, "March the twenty third!"

Lavender-Dandylion-whatever-her-name-was and her friend gasped,

"How did you know!"

Tregrassy did what she though was a modest gesture,

"I have the inner eye, darling. Now, what's your name?" She asked pointing at Andy.

"Shouldn't your inner eye tell you?"

Tregrassy tapped her foot impatiently,

"I like to pretend I see as much as other people!"

"Okay...My names Andy."

Tregrassy looked at her hand,

"Are you supposed to be in my class?"

"I'm probably down as Amber..."

Tregrassy referred back to her hand and gasped,

"My child! You are doomed forever! Destined to be a failure! Ruined for life! Ruined I tell you!"

"Huh?"

"You my child, were born on," she bented down till her nose was almost touching Andy's, "..._Black Friday_!"

"Uh...So?"

"So? So!" Tregrassy spluttered, "Amber! You life is already planned to be horrible and you are an omen, an omen of _bad luck_! Out! Out of my classroom! Please before I am breathed upon and lose my inner eye!"

Andy rolled her eyes muttering something that sound like "What a load bullshit." and walked out of the room as Tregrassy collasped dramatically into an armchair,

"Now on with the lesson!"

Lavender-Dandylion-whatever-her-name-was and her friend broke into applause, as someone burst through the door,

"Sorry! I got the wrong tower!"

"Cheesy?" Barry said as she sat down, "You got the wrong tower too? You should tell Andy it'd probably make her feel better."

Cheesy began pulling her books out of her bag,

"Feel better? Why what's wrong with her?"

"Well, she didn't even want to be in this class, she got the wrong tower too and Tregrassy sent her out just because she was born on 'Black Friday'"

Cheesy rolled her eyes,

"Poor Andy, she must have had to put up with superstitious crap most of her life. I mean I just broke a mirror at school once and all the superstitious freaks came after me. That was like two years-"

"OUT OF MY CLASSROOM YOU BAD LUCK INFESTED CHILD! And sorry what was the name I have to mark you as attended..."

Barry watched yet another one of his friends forced to leave the classroom.

Tregrassy surveyed the room and paled once more, when she locked eyes with him,

"My boy, you are in grave danger!"

Barry rolled his eyes,

"What...?" he muttered, he really didn't like Divination...


	13. The Ref From Hell

**Chapter thirteen: The Ref From Hell**

"And _then_ she booted Cheesy out!" Barry exclaimed, "She broke a mirror _two years_ ago!"

Lemo sighed as she shifted her head slightly, she was currently using Barry as a pillow,

"You know, you're too boney to use as a pillow Saucey...Anyway Divination sound like a dud, but Care of Magical Creatures is brilliant! Hagrid had a spectacular first lesson! Introduced us to a Motomusgriff, it was so cool! _And_ it attacked Malfoy!"

Barry chuckled, then felt bad,

"Uhh...Was he okay?"

"Well you know the drama queen he is, claimed he was fucking dying! But he's fine, just shaken and a cut arm. But claims it _hurts so bad_ that he can't play this afternoon."

"Play?"

Lemo sat up straight alarmingly quickly looking startled,

"Barry! The quidditch match is this afternoon!" She looked at Cheesy's old watch (She'd won it in last night's poker game Andy, Cheesy, Banana and her played.), "It's in about four hours!"

Barry jumped up,

"Sorry babe! I got to go, you know I'm captain etc..."

Lemo nodded understaningly,

"Go on, go be obsessive again..." Barry kissed her briefly then turned and ran off towards the castle leaving Lemo alone looking at the clouds. Spotting one particular cloud she shed a tear,

"That cloud looks like a weasel..."

* * *

"Okay team! Are you ready?" Barry questioned, which was answered with a series of unenthusiastic moans, groans and hiccup, "Who hiccupped?" He paced up and down until Andy hiccupped again, he stopped in front of her and tried to look threatening even though he was shorter, "Will you desese?".

"Barry...Desese mean die. I think you mean desist-" Emo began.

"Whatever, Andy hold your breath, or I'll-"

"But will you be able to beat the bad luck omen?" Andy suddenly began glum, "According to Tregrassy I'm highly capable of killing you with my _birthday_..."

Barry tried to ignore the comment,

"Okay guys get ready!"

"Hey, Barry I know it's not the best time to ask...But have to seen my rat?"

"Don, you don't have a rat."

"I'm pretty sure I do."

"You don't."

"I do! Remember I keep forgetting him?"

Barry scratched his head,

"Did you remember to bring him this year?"

"I don't know, because-"

"Don! Your right, now is not the time..."

"_Welcome to the first Quidditch match of the season! Hufflepuff versus Gryffindor! I'm your commentator Jalayna Sheep!_"

The Gryffidors froze, Don was the first to speak,

"Jubby?"

"What happened to Bonny-March?" Andrew asked.

"No time!" Barry was starting to get nervous, "Quick! Quick! Line up! Quick! Quick!"

"Hold your ponies!" Lemo mumbled."

"-_As usual the Hufflepuff go first and aren't organised, oh well...McPea... Plankton... Borris... Tapsell... Montgonary... Pirrate... Meadow_!"

The Hufflepuff's began cheering like mad.

"LINE UP DAMMIT!" Barry yelled, even though they were already lined up...

"_For Gryffindor, we have Finnegan... Parker... Roberts... Rose... Saucepan... Watson... aaaaaaaaaaaaaand Weasel!_"

Gryffindor screamed their support, but over the cheering they could hear loud almost microphoned cheers, which sounded suspiously like Cheesy and Banana...The Gryffindor team jogged over to the Hufflepuff team who was standing beside Professor Tregrassy. Wait, Tregrassy?

"What are you doing here!" Andy exclaimed in dismay.

Tregrassy screamed,

"IT'S YOU!"

Andrew hugged Andy closer to him,

"What is she on about babe?"

Andy looked surprised,

"I thought I told you about Cheesy and I being thrown out of Divination?"  
Andrew shook his head.

"Okay, I'll tell you later..." Andy whispered.

"DUMBLEDORE!" Tregrassy hollered, "I can't referee this match!"

Dumbledore stood up,

"Why the hell not?"

"SHE'S CURSED!"

Andy screamed in frustration,

"SIR! TREGRASSY'S BEING A BITCH!"

Over the microphone Cheesy yelled,

"SIR! SHE IS A BITCH!"

"That's enough!" Dumbledore yelled, "It is _Professor_ Tregrassy..."

"Sir! I'm not playing if she's refing!" Andy stated.

"I'M NOT-"

"Oh put a cork in it!" Lemo cried.

"Well..." Professor Dumbledore began


	14. Malfoy's Deal

**Chapter thirteen, fourteen and fifteen were going to be all one chappy but it was taking me too long, so I jus set em out individually...**

**Chapter fourteen: Malfoy's Deal**

"...Dependant on who can offer me the most Lemon Drops."

"Albus what are you on-" Tregrassy began when Banana cut her off over the microphone,

"I BID TEN LEMON DROPS!"

Tregrassy gasped,

"ELEVEN!"

Lemo glared,

"TWENTY ONE!"

"Twenty one!" Andrew gasped.

"Twenty one?" Dumbledore said excitedly.

"THIRTY!"

"FOURTY LEMON DROPS, PLUS A REAL LEMON FROM LEMO'S LEMON TREE!"

Dumbledore squealed,

"DEAL! Mione Ranger, thank-you. Amber Rose may play and I shall-"

"I bid fourty-five Lemon Drops, _two_ real lemons and some sherbet Lemons!" Came a voice from within the crowd. There were murmurs as everyone looked around to see who it was, that's when Dracola Malfoy stood up. Dumbledore almost fell off his chair,

"And what would be the conditions of your deal Mr. Malfoy?"

Malfoy smirked,

"That Rose plays, but she and Roberts must be my _slaves_ for two weeks, or else she doesn't play and Tregrassy referees."

Andy and Lemo gasped.

"Hey! What do I have to do with this!" Lemo protested.

Malfoy shrugged,

"You have a nice ass..."

Lemo glared. As did Andy. And Barry. Well the whole bloody Gryffindor team.

"DEAL!" Dumbledore shouted, "And I'll referee!"

"Professor Dumbledore! Lemo and I didn't agree to-"

"Shh! Be grateful your playing!"

As the teams rose into the air, Barry heard Malfoy saying loudly how it would really help having slaves, seeing as his arm was so 'badly wounded'. Barry resisted the urge to go over and make that arm seriously badly wounded, he saw Andrew grit his teeth, which was a comforting thought. When Andrew gritted his teeth his anger always ended up bottling up and when it blew, Malfoy wouldn't be able to move for weeks. Seems some people weren't as easy controlled though...

"_That bastard! I swear I'll fucking kill you Malfoy, what kind of deal was that! We all know your totally faking that injury. It's just a little tiny scratch! If I wasn't so goddamn vertically challenged, I'd pound the hell out of you! But- Oh sorry Professor! I'll get back to the match now. -Malfoy go fuck a tree- Sorry Professor! I swear that's the last one! The balls are released..._"

Barry circled gloomily overhead, this was something he had been looking forward to for quite some time and now it was ruined. Malfoy had ruined it; he now wasn't sure how often he'd see Lemo after this match for two weeks...


	15. Dementors Enjoy a Spot of Quidditch

**Chapter fifteen: Dementors Enjoy a Spot of Quidditch**

_"...Roberts has the Quaffle who- Wait **why** does Roberts have the Quaffle! Roberts quickly shifts her eyes and passes to Weasel who passes to..._"

Barry looked around hoping to find the Snitch before Joel, (who Emo was currently dating...) Barry rolled his eyes once again as Joel deliberately flew past Emo and winked. Barry got really annoyed by Joel he was too...well...Full of himself, but like hell he would tell Emo, she'd have a- Something gold flashed in the corner of the pitch, Barry sped over to get a better look...

"_And he makes the best sandwiches...Yes he does, my Donny Wonny! Annnnnnnnnnnnnyway Hufflepuff in possesion. Whoopty Doo...Oh my god! Barry Saucepan is going for the dive! He's diving! Go Barry! Whoooop! Whooop! Joel is coming! Nooooooooooooo! I mean, uhhh...Go Joel too!_"

Barry suddenly pulled up relising Malfoy had just dropped a gold lolly wrapper to put him off, he turned around and headed back to circle the pitch once more. Trying to ignore Malfoy calling out to him, something about putting Lemo to good use. Barry clenched his teeth knowing that Malfoy was trying to put him off with the disturbing double meaning.

"_Oh...It seems to be a false alarm, thanks to Malfoy the stupid, off putting, scum, man whor- Sorry Professor! I swear that's the last time, OH MY GOD! LOOK AT BARRY SAUCEPAN!_"

Everyone looked at Barry, Barry stopped circling and looked at the crowd looking at him,

"What?"

Jub shook her head,

"Barry, I can see it, hell even Joel can see it!"

Barry looked around, he spotted it in the corner, Barry gasped and dived. Suddenly darkness fell over the pitch,

"_Okay, who turned off the friggen lights!_"

The air became cold, the tip of Barry broomstick began to freeze.

"_AND the friggen heater-_" Jub cut off as her and the rest of the people in the crowd felt a wave emotion come over them. The last Barry heard was a high pitched scream and a flash of light, as he fell down towards the ground. The Dementors had stepped outside their designated areas...


	16. Toothpicks

**Chapter sixteen: Toothpicks**

"...Is it just me or does Barry _always_ end up almost dying! This is putting alot of stress on me and-"

"...My hair looks like shit..."

"...Has anyone seen my book?"

"Who cares it's just a-"

"Joel! What did I say about-"

"Get a room!"

"Where's the closest bathroom?"

"I think he's awake!"

"I swear I have a rat..."

"Don, I remembered, you do have a rat. I saw it in the picture you sent me of you and your family when you went to Eygpt." Barry said groggily as he tried to lift his head.

"I'm not saying 'YOUR ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLIVE!' again, puts to much stress on my throat, but I will hug you..." Lemo grabbed the fragile Barry into a hug.

"I went to Egypt!"

"Yes. Donny Wonny you did." Jub said patting him on the head.

"Are you sure? Because I don't recall-"

"I can't believe you fell from that hieght and still lived dude!" Gred exclaimed.

"Pretty impressive!" Forge said helping himself to a chocolate frog.

"Who bought them!" Barry asked.

"We did," Gred and Forge said at the same time.

Barry tried to shake his head,

"And how did you get- My head..." Barry grabbed his head as a red hot pain shot through it.

"Lie down boy!" Madam Pomfrey exclaimed from her office.

Barry groaned,

"I guess I'm stuck with her for a week...And Lemo can you please let go of me."

Lemo reluctantly let go of him.

"So...What happened?"

Everyone shifted uncomfortably,

"Well, you see you-" Gred began.

"You kind of-" Forge started.

"The Dementor-" Mione tried.

"Your broom-" Don winced.

Andrew sighed,

"Barry you fell off your broom because you fainted in mid air when the friggen dementors came in. And as for your broom it hit the Offensive Oak, so now it's toothpicks."

Silence came over the group and Andy shook her head, whispering,

"You just had to be blunt."

Barry looked down at his hands,

"M-My broom?"

Gred and Forge bent down and grabbed a huge pile of twigs from under Barry's bed,

"Here is..." They said at the same time.

"Dumbledores's furious about the Dementors coming to the match," Mione said.

"Stupid Dumbledore...It's too late now. He better buy me a new broom."


	17. Just Like Old Times

**Chapter seventeen: Just Like Old Times**

"More ice, Rose!" Dracola rang his bell once more.

"Bite me."

"Lighten up sweetness," Dracola slapped her on the ass as she was forced to go get Dracola's ice by Dumbledores obeying charm, "Roberts, peel me another grape..."

Cheesy and Banana grasped Andrew's shoulders tightly,

"You're not going _anywhere_," they both said.

"But he's _using_ them! The bastard needs a good-"

Banana whipped out her wand and muttered a spell, Andrew dropped to the ground, his muscles in his legs turned to jelly.

"Banana! What did you do to me!"

Banana shook her head, as did Cheesy,

"If you try and attack Malfoy when he's got Lemo and Andy under his control he could so easily make Lemo and Andy fight you!"

"That's just shit! If Barry was here-"

"He'd be on the ground unable to move his legs as well..." Cheesy said in a satisfied voice. Banana turned and looked at Cheesy,

"I wouldn't hit Barry Saucepan with such a simple spell! He needs a more _complex_ charm!"

Cheesy rolled her eyes,

"Banana, Barry's our friend. _Meaning_ that we can hex him - with anything!"

"I disagree-"

"You _always_ disagree with what I say!"  
"I do not! I agreed with you at breakfast that cheesy bananas would be better than pickled lemons!"

"DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT!"

"IT'S THE SAME SUBJECT!"

Andrew dragged his legs along the ground using only his arms. He knew he wouldn't be able to do much to Malfoy, but he could at least tie his shoe laces together...

* * *

Barry lay in the hospital wing, he knew he was supposed to be sleeping but he didn't feel tired. He was no longer upset about his broom. He didn't feel pissed at the dementors for coming to the match. Infact he felt nothing. His life felt like one big black hole, he couldn't control anything that happened to him. Even his girlfriend wasn't able to come see him; she was forced to be a slave to his enemy for a week. His best friend had spent most of his time trying to kill his enemy. Unfortunately for Andrew, Cheesy and Banana were preventing him from doing something stupid. His other best friend was busy with his girlfriend, as far as he knew it was all innocent...But hell Don was fifteen...Barry rolled over. Emo and Jason were together now, well for all he knew that could be over by now. Mione seemed to be extremely preoccupied; she was the one who visited him the most. With homework, (_"It'd dreadful for you to fall behind!"_) resulting in Barry pretending to be asleep every time she came in. Nick came in occasionally, usually asking him if he could borrow a book. You'd have thought Barry had been in the hospital for ages, it felt like that for Barry as well. But this hell had only gone on for two days. Barry groaned and rolled over once more. He felt lonely. He missed Lemo.

* * *

Lemo dragged her feet into the common room and looked hopefully at the comfy chair near the fire. No Barry wasn't back. Her feet suddenly felt heavier as she dragged them to the empty chair. Andy staggered down from the boys dorm, her hair everywhere. Lemo raised a questioning elbow,

"Were you up there with Drew?"

Andy nodded and fell into the chair next to Lemo. Before Lemo could suspect the dodgiest Andy added,

"Looking for Don missing rat."

"Any luck?"

Andy sighed,

"No where to be seen. Don thinks it's Miones cat, Seamus said he's seen a huge assed balck dog roaming campus. So it could be either."

"Don must be gutted," Lemo said, whipping out her wand and conjuring up a cup of steaming pumpkin juice, "Want one?"

"Nah thanks."

Andy yawned,

"How did massaging Dracola's feet go?"

Lemo shivered,

"Horribly, thank god tonight was the last night." She shivered, "How did you get out of it?"

"He doesn't like me, plus Drew's twice his hieght and Barry's in the hospital wing, so he's not really a threat."

Lemo frowned,

"Barry's been in there long enough..."

"What are you suggesting...?"

"It's going to be like old times..."

"That would be?"

"Go on a mission and break some rules!"

* * *

"You know, I don't think this cloak was designed for five people, Lemo." Andrew whispered.

"Shut up Drew, it's worked with the same number of people before!"

"Yea, in first year!"

"Andy! Who's side are you on!"

"Hehe, we're officaially part of the group!" Cheesy giggled.

"What are you talking about? We were part of the group _ages_ ago!"

"Shut up Banana..."

"Shh! All of you!" Lemo hissed, she let her hand become visible as she reached for the hospital wing door handle, "Ready guys?"

There came a whispered chorus of yes and an exciteded giggle from Andy.

The door creaked quietly as it opened. Inside Barry was snoring softly.

"There's the target!" Lemo pulled everyone forward, there was a loud snore from the room next door, "And that was the enemy, be aware she is armed and evil...Now out!" Lemo threw the cloak off and rushed to Barry, leaving the others standing there. None of them sure of what they were supposed to be doing. "Barry! Barry!" Lemo prodded Barry who groaned and rolled over. "Barry..."

Barry slowly opened his eyes,

"Lemo?"

"Barry! We've come to get you out of here!"

"You have!" Barry was now fully awake, he jumped out bed, "Wait a second..." He held up his wrist that had the magical alarm system, stopping from him escaping, "I won't be able to leave with this on my wrist!"

Cheesy stepped forward,

"I can help with that!" She pulled out her wand, Barry stepped back looking worried, "It's alright! I know what I'm doing!" She grabbed his wrist, began muttering and tapping the wrist band with her wand. After several sparks, Cheesy threw aside her wand and bit into the wrist band. The band came loose and was chuck aside before Lemo whispered,

"Ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun!"


	18. The Marauder's Map

**Chapter eighteen: The Marauder's Map**

The next day Lemo, Andy and Andrew sat around twiddling their thumbs while they sat in the middle of the Quidditch pitch. They were waiting for Barry who was walking up and down the pitch, figuring out a strategy, they were now regretting him letting out of the hospital... Lemo sighed for what seemed like the hundreth time,

"What you thinking Andy?"

Andy shrugged,

"Nuttin'."

Lemo turned and faced Andrew,

"Andrew?"

Andrew seemed to come back from a far away place and stared at Lemo blankly,

"Eh?"

Lemo rolled her eyes,

"Never mind, I probably don't want to know anyway...Why is Barry fretting over his strategy so much?"

"Well the next game we play is our only chance to stay in the competition this year, so it's pretty important," Andy said yawning.

"Yea, but I mean it's good we're having such a quiet year. I mean, First Year was a bitch with the ugly rock and then last year with the chamber..."

Andrew stared at Lemo, wide eyed,

"What the hell are you talking about! Barry has some crazy murderer after him and fell from his broom in the sky!"

"Well, that's not much..."

"Have you gone insane? Don't answer that," Andrew tried a new tactic, "Barry could've _died_!"

"But he didn't. Otherwise I wouldn't still be here, I would be mourning his loss in my dorm for the rest of the year."

"I prefered it when there was an uncomfortable silence," Andrew muttered.

They then sat in silence, until McGonagall walked briskly towards them,

"Rose! Watson! Roberts! I have notices for you..."

When she reached them she began to pass around slips of paper.

"'Third Year Hogsmeade Trip?'" Andrew read.

McGonagall nodded,

"The permission slips weren't included in your letters at the beginning of the year, so we had to send them personally to your parents to sign."

By this time Barry had joined them and was looking over Lemo's shoulder at her already signed slip. His heart sunk,

"I'm guessing the Dursley's didn't return the permission form?"

"Well they did," McGonagall said pulling a sympathetic face, "But I wouldn't call it permission..."

"What did it say?" Barry asked gloomily.

"'You stupid crackpot fools, the boy's not going anywhere. I don't want him doing any activities he may possibly enjoy. Make his life a living hell, Vernon Dursley.'"

"I guess Professor Snape has read that note?"

McGonagall looked slightly confused,

"No, Barry what makes you think that?"

"Just a thought..."

* * *

The following morning:

_Attention Third Years and Older_

_Now that we have all the permission slips in, all those with a **signed permission slip** may attend the Hogsmeade trip that will be conmensing on Saturday next week._

_Enjoy the trip._

_Professor McGonagall_

* * *

Barry read the notice just as the Weasel twins walked into the common room. Noticing his upset nature, they strolled over,

"What's wroung Bazza?"

"I can't go, the Dursley's didn't signed the slip."

"So?"

"I can't go."

The twins looked confused,

"Just 'cause the bastard didn't sign your slip, it doesn't mean you can't go to Hogsmeade..." Forge said slowly.

"What are you talking about? They wouldn't let me go without a permission slip especially with Sirius Keller after me!"

"True..." they both muttered, "But what they don't know won't kill them..."

Barry now looked confused,

"What?"

The twins looked around the almost empty common room,

"Meet us in the guys toilets on the third floor at half past eleven..."

"Why-"

"Not now!" They said at the same time before walking away shifting their eyes and whispering to each other.

Sighing Barry turned and walked down to breakfast.

* * *

Andrew looked around the table. It was quite a scene, Andy was trying to finish her potions homework; Lemo was at the Slytherins table screaming abuse at Malfoy for making Andy and her his slaves; Don was throwing Mione filthy looks, (which she returned) because he was still convinced her cat killed Scabbers; Nick was watching Mione with awe (Andrew was convinced Nick was crushing on Mione); at the Ravenclaw table Jub was trying to get Don's attention; Cheesy and Banana were whispering to each other; Seamus was attempting to flirt with Emo as she carefully ignored him and as for himself. He just sat there watching all this happen, thinking even though sometimes these people drove him nuts, but he couldn't imagine life without them...Then he noticed Barry entering the Hall. But for some reason he was actually happy, ever since everyone had got their permission slips Barry had been upset. It was good to see him in a good mood while at the same time it was suspious...Barry slipped into the empty seat next to Andrew,

"Morning!"

"Morning..." Andrew said cautiously, "You okay?"

Barry nodded,

"Never better."

"Really, what happened?"

"I'll tell you later."

Andrew was about to argue when Andy asked him what was another ingrediant they used to make the truth draught.

* * *

Barry waited impatiently in the third floor bathroom, he knew the twins wouldn't blow him off, but he had some serious stratising to do. So their idea better be good, he didn't want to be wasting precious moments in the crappy bathroom. Barry laughed to himself, that was a terrible pun.

"Bazza!"

Barry jumped and turned around to see the twins in the doorway, Gred clutching an old piece of parchment in his hands,

"Hey guys!"

They stepped forward, Gred pushed the parchment towards him,

"We present you with this..."

Barry took the parchment from Gred,

"Thanks...What is it?"

"Parchment."

"And I need it because?"

Forge and Gred exchanged a look and Forge pulled out his wand,

"_I needa know the coast is clear!_" he tapped the parchment with his wand, as soon as the wand connected with the parchment it created a spider web effect of ink. Barry looked at the paper closly and gasped,

"This is Hogwarts!"

"Indeed," Fred and Gorge said proudly.

Barry looked up at them with wide eyes,

"You didn't make this did you?"

"Nope, hell if we did we wouldn't still be here..." Fred said, his twin nodded in agreement, "We owe the guys our lives..."

Barry looked to where Fred was pointing on the paper:

_'Mr. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs_

_Present you with the Marauders Map!'_

"We owe them so much..."

Barry was blown away, every intricated detail of Hogwarts was on this map, but he didn't understand why they gave it to them,

"Why don't you guys want it now?"

They shrugged,

"Guess your needs were greater than ours, plus we know the map off by heart."

"My needs?" Barry echoed?

"Yes, your needs Barry. You need a way out of the castle so you can go to Hogsmeade. There is a number of secret passages, but we recomend this one..." They both pointed to a small picture of the One Eyed Witch statue that was near Barry's Charms classroom, "Leads you right to the Honeydukes cellar."

"So _that's _how you got me those chocolate frogs when I was in the in the Hospital Wing..."

"Nope, mum sent them."

"Oh."

"Yea...So have fun, the map shows all. I mean _all_." Fred said.

"Oh and don't forget to clear the map when you're done. Otherwise anyone can read it. Tap the map and say '_Mission accomplished'_"

The map cleared and folded itself up.

"This map is amazing," Barry whispered, 'Where did you get it?"

"Nicked it from Filtch's office in first year."

Barry didn't think he wanted to know what they had done to get sent to Filtch's office so he thanked them and walked out of the bathroom. Suddenly he couldn't wait until Saturday.

* * *

His excitment disappeared when he saw the large queue outside the Gryffindor portrait he walked up the queue to where he could see Emo,

"What's happening?"

Emo turned and looked at him, startled,

"Barry! The Fat Lady! She's gone! Her portraits been scratched and ripped and no one can find her!"


	19. Keller Breaks, Enters and Exits

**Ok, ok, I admit I stole sum from the book here. Don't own.**

**I'M IN AMERICA WHILE I'M WRITING THIS! HEHE! O.o**

**Chapter nineteen: Keller Breaks, Enters and Exits**

Next moment Dumbledore was there sweeping towards the portrait; the Gryffindors squeezed together to let him through, and Barry and Emo moved closer to see what the trouble was.

"Shit..." Emo exclaimed, eyes widening.

The Fat Lady had vanished from her portrait, which had been slashed so viciously that strips of canvas littered the floor; chunks of it had been torn away completely. Dumbledore took one step back from the ruined painting and turned to see Professors McGonagall, Loopy and stupid Snape hurrying towards him.

"We need to find her!" Dumbledore said.

"No shit Sherlock," Lemo's voice muttered behind Barry, she then hugged him.

"We need to find her-" Dumbledore repeated when he was cut off by Peeves,

"Ha, like to see you try!"

"What do you mean?"

"She's very upset Dumbles! She doesn't want no one to see her."

"Did she mention who did this to her portrait?" Dumbledore asked indicating to the Fat Ladies empty portrait.

"Yep."

"Who..." Dumbledore urged.

"S...S...S...S...S...S...S..."

"Spit it out Peeves!" Dumbledore lost his normally never ending patience.

"Sirius Keller!" Peeves cackled then flew away leaving Gryffindor house in stunned silence.

* * *

Gryffindors were gathered in the hall in sleeping bags, as the teachers searched the Hogwarts Castle, outside the Dementors combed the grounds.

"You could've _died_! Barry, Keller was looking for you!" Lemo whispered, "Honestly Barry! No one can find him! You know what this means? No one knows jack shit about Keller, their trying to find a needle in a haystack without a metal detector!" Lemo grabbed Barry into a hugged and patted his head, "But its okay Barry, no need to panic, Lemo's here..."

Barry moaned and tried to pull out of her iron grip.

"Oi! You third years up the back! Go to sleep!"

They all whispered good night and in a few moments the only noise in the group was Andrew's soft (okay annoyingly loud) snoring.

* * *

Barry woke with a start, above him he could hear the Head Boy and Dumbledore talking in concerned hushed voices. Barry squeezed his eyes shut so they wouldn't notice he had woken and he slowly moved closer to the pair.

"Keller has left the castle, god knows how he's done it but he did..." Dumbledore said in a grave voice.

"How do you suppose he got in?" Whispered the Head Boy.

"I have no idea, I spoke to the dementors and they said no one walked through those doors at any stage today. Or yesterday, they can't remember the day before..."

"What about when he left? Do they know of anyone who left the castle?"

"Nope, no one except Hagrid and they can tell who he is. He's being staying in the castle most nights now, there's been some funny business happening outside as well. There's been a cat with anger problems-"

Barry turned a feminine giggle into a manly coughing fit, he couldn't wait to tell Mione tomorrow about Dumbledore calling Crookshanks a 'cat with anger problems'...

"-A skitzo rat-"

Don's rat, Barry thought, was only too well described.

"-And a stray dog."

"A stray sir? You don't think perhaps one of the students smuggled him in? I mean there isn't a muggle house for miles..."

"No, Jon, it's a stray now. Because even if a student had smuggled him, they've left him to his own devices now. Haven't caught a student with him at all, except for Roberts down there. But I don't think the dog is hers' it doesn't seem to really like her..."

"Sorry sir, which one is Roberts?"

Barry saw Dumbledore nudge Roberts head with his foot,

"That one."

"Oh, she's the one that smuggled in the weasel a few years ago didn't she?"

"Yes, but I don't think she'd be capable of smuggling in a dog, especially one as big as the one outside. Besides it wasn't her who smuggled it in the first year, it was a christmas present from Rose."

"Okay, but that all aside now, what about Saucepan?"

"What about him?"

"Shouldn't he be warned about Keller?"

Dumbledore was silent for a moment,  
"No, he probably already knows, infact..."

Barry heard Dumbledore's knee click, rather to close for comfort, he relaxed his eyes and tried look as though he was asleep. Even with his eyes closed he could tell Dumbledore was looking at him,

"I wouldn't be surprised if he was listening to us right now..."

The Head Boy gasped,

"Sir! The boy is fast asleep! What if he was to wake now and see his headmasters face in front of his?"

Dumbledore chuckled and there was another click of his bones as he rose back to his full height,

"It wouldn't be the first time he'd have woken up to a peculiar face in his. Have you met his friends properly?" A small spark went off on Lemos' (who was sleeping next to Barry) other side, "Rose, Kentson stop that at once!"

Barry slowly rolled over, still pretending to be asleep so he could see what they were doing. Lemo now had purple, floppy bunny ears and green hair.

"And Saucepan, I know you're awake as well, not sure for how long. But you're not very good at pretending..."

Barry looked up at Dumbledore,

"Sorry sir."

Dumbledore shrugged,

"Eh, it's not like it was terribly scandalous."

"Huh!"

"Andy Rose, Cheesy Kentson, you're in detention tomorrow with me. And Barry, I guess I better to tell you officially now..."

Dumbledores' bones creaked once more as he groaned and grunted so he could sit on a spare bit of floor near Barry.

"Sir, I don't think you really needed to go all the way down onto the-" The Head Boy began, looking worried, but Dumbledore held up his hand,

"Jon, you are as young as you feel. Making me not a day over one hundred and sixty-four," he said, with his eyes twinkling, Barry shivered. Those eyes scared him...

"Sir, you don't need to tell me, I already know Sirius Keller is after me."

Dumbledore pretended to looked shocked, then shot the Head Boy an I-told-you-so look,

"Really? What else do you know?"

"Um...You're not very good at pretending your shocked...?"

The Head Boy gasped, while Dumbledore just chuckled,

"Good point Barry. Now, what I'm going to tell you next is not designed to frighten you, or anger you, it is just to make you more vigilant. I don't want you do anything stupid, or dangerous. Or both."

Barry nodded,

"Okay...I won't do nothing stupid..."

"You won't do _anything_ stupid," Mione corrected. Everyone looked at her, "_Yes_ I have been awake the whole time too, I'm just better at pretending to be asleep compared to Barry."

"That's not hard," Andrew muttered.

Barry just realised he hadn't heard Andrew snore in a while. He decided to point this out.

"Andrew, I thought I hadn't heard you snore in a while..."

Andrew looked surprised and offended,

"I don't snore."

"Yea, you do..." Lemo shook herself awake, her new purple ears flapping, "What the f-?" She turned around to glare at Andy and Cheesy, who were rolling around laughing, "_What_ did you do!"

Dumbledore cleared his throat,

"As I was saying..."

"Wait! I'll just wake up Banana!" Cheesy rolled over and prodded Banana on the nose, "Wakey, wakey, wakey, wakey, wakey, wakey, wakey, wakey, wakey, wakey, wakey, wakey, wakey!"

Banana pushed Cheesy's arm out of the way,

"I'm awakey!" She then began her morning 'waking up routine' which consisted of nose wriggling, arm moving and imaginary bike riding.

"Are you all quite finished!" Dumbledore said impatiently as the Head Boy shook his head muttering about 'disrespectful third years'.

"Now, like I was trying to say..." He paused and glared around the group almost daring them to interrupt him again. "Where's Parker?"

"She's with Jerome," Andy replied immediately.

"He's in Hufflepuff!"

"As you were saying sir..." Andy smiled innocently.

Dumbledore, still getting over Parkers' whereabouts, began talking again,

"Sirius Keller was close to your family before your mother and father passed away. Infact you father and Keller were best friends! Joined at the hip..." Dumbledore sighed, "They were little brats when they were at school...At the beginning of every year they attended, I would say, 'This year, they'll be mature'. But it never happened. They had two other people in their group that also caused trouble, Peter Pedigree (**A/N DID THAT ON PURPOSE THIS TIME! Tehee**) and Remus Loopy-"

Lemo gasped,

"Hey he has the same weird last name as our DADA teacher!"

Dumbledore nodded,

"He is your Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, Miss. Roberts-"

"OH MY FUCKING GOD! Barry this is huge for you! You have a guy who knew your parents!"

"Miss. Roberts!"

Lemo pinked,

"Sorry sir...Just got a little excited..."

Dumbledore nodded,

"Understandable. Now Remus and Peter were good kids, only really tagged along on Sirius and James's plans to get each other in trouble. Anyway when they left Hogwarts they all stayed good friends and went separate career ways. James and Lily who went out in Hogwarts got married and had you Barry and Sirius was naturally made your godfather-"

"OH MY FUCKING GOD! Barry your godfather is trying to kill you!"

"Miss. Roberts!"

"Sorry again..."

"Anyway, when Voldemort-" Several shivered. "Came after you and your parents Barry, we decided to put a charm on the house your family was staying at and made Sirius the secret keeper. But unfortunately Sirius sold your parents to Voldemort. That's how you got landed with your aunt and uncle. There we go end of story! Night children!" Dumbledore rose from the floor, creaking the whole time, "I'll give you some time for it all to sink in. Oh and by the way I have made the decision that since Keller has already broken into the castle, it is simply too risky to have to training for quidditch. So, I think it really is better to cancel quidditch for this year."

"What!" Andrew, Andy, Barry and Lemo sat bolt upright, "But sir!" They chorused.

"No buts! My decision is final...I'm sorry, but I want you all to be as safe as possible. I was even contemplating cancelling Hogsmeade trips until Keller is caught, but I've decided against that..."

They all breathed a sigh of relief.

"Sir, but quidditch, you can't cancel! Me and Cheesy had a whole cheerleading chant ready for the next Gryffindor match!" Banana complained.

Dumbledore looked delighted,

"Really! That's what I call team spirit! Can I hear it?"

Cheesy and Banana exchanged a nod,

"Yes you may! Mione, you said you'd do it with us!" They heaved Mione to her feet, as she grumbled that she said nothing of the sort.

Cheesy, Mione and Banana stood in a line,

"A 1, a 2, a 1, 2, 3, 4!" Cheesy snapped her fingers to an imaginary beat. They all jumped around, Mione not very enthusiastically. They threw their arms out and pom poms appeared they then did flash pom pom throwing...moves? And began the chant,

"Gryffindor! Gryffindor!

Gryffin to the Dor and Dor to the Gryffin!

We're the best team as you know,

We're skillful. Smart. Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Barry, Drew, Andy and Emo,

Seamus, Don and Leeeeeeeeeemo!

So...

Go Barry!

Go Don!

Go Andy!

Go Drew!

Go Lemo!

Go Seamus!

Go Emo!

We rock!

G-R-Y-F-F-I-N-D-O-R!

G-R-Y-F-F-I-N-D-O-R!"

Banana and Cheesy slid forward on their knees pom poms shaking as Mione lept forward and did the splits. This was a very good effort considering they had hardly any spare space to swing a cat, let alone a whole cheerleading routine and they were restricted on how loud they could be, because they could wake up the whole hall. But they didn't. Because I'm the author and I have the pwa! .Strikes Pose. Anyway... Dumbledore clapped and wiped tears of happiness,

"That was beautiful girls! I only wished we could have quidditch this year, just so we could all see that."

Cheesy, Banana and Mione were now back in their sleeping bags, as Andy and Lemo broke into applause,

"Well there's always next year..." Banana said miserably.

"Nope, no quidditch next year." When the whole group stared at him, Dumbledore shifted his eyes, "I best be off!" He then walked very briskly out of the hall, the Head Boy hurrying behind him whisper-shouting (Yes it's possible!) asking what was happening next year...

**Please 'view!**

**LLP**


	20. Sneaking Into Hogsmeade

**Chapter twenty: Sneaking Into Hogsmeade**

Lemo looked around the Gryffindor common room axiously,

"Do you think it's safe for us to be back in here? What if Keller is still here?"

"Yea..." Andrew replied sarcastically, "Keller will jump out from behind that couch and kill-"

Don poked his head out from behind the couch,

"Hey guys!"

Andrew screamed and jumped into Andy's arms. Who promptly dropped him.

"Don't do that Don!" Andrew said crossly.

"Yea," Andy agreed, "You scared Drew."

Andrew rolled his eyes,

"I wasn't scared..."

"Oh _really_! Who am I?" Lemo screamed and jumped into Barry's arms who luckily caught her, "Drop me," Lemo hissed. Barry dropped her.

"Ha ha," Drew said, "But that's not the point, no one managed to find Keller, so their making us suffer by banning Quidditch!"

"They just want us to be safe," Banana reasoned, "I wish they wouldn't..." She frowned.

"We had a routine..." Cheesy grumbled.

"Well this will cheer you up!" Emo pointed to the noticeboard, it was reminding them about the Hogsmeade trip, the next day. They all turned to Barry expecting him to be disappointed, instead he grinned,

"That's great!"

Lemo patted him on the shoulder,

"Barry you don't have to pretend around us..."

"No really," Barry shook his head, "I'm fine." Lemo raised a skeptical eyebrow, "No really!" Barry assured her.

* * *

And he was. Fine that is. The next morning after Lemo, Andy, Cheesy and Banana had linked arms and walked out of the common room, (they were having a B.L.A.C day - a day Cheesy had made up that was a fun-time-with-out-boyfriends day) with Andrew asking if he could book Andy for an hour at the Three Broomsticks for a butterbeer...Barry got out the Marauders Map and tapped it with his wand,  
"_I needa know the coast is clear_!" He muttered.

Before him the map of Hogwarts spread before him, Barry let out a low whistle. Quickly he had located the One Eyed Witch passage on the map, grabbed his invisibility cloak and left the common room.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, Barry entered the Three Broomsticks, a bar he had only been discribed in great detail by Lemo. He looked around, then took his invisibility cloak off and checked his watch. It was the time Andrew said he'd like to book Andy, Barry didn't think Andrew had much chance in pulling Andy away from Lemo's grip. Sure enough he spotted Andrew sitting in a corner alone, drinking a butterbeer. Barry shook his head,

"No luck booking Andy?" Barry sat down opposite him.

Andrew sighed,

"Does it look like it?"

Barry pretended to look around,

"Nope."

"Well, there you go." They sat in silence as Barry waited for Andrew to asked about how he got into Hogsmeade. Finally it clicked, "Wait a second, how the hell did you get in?"

"Invisibility cloak and this," Barry brought out the Marauders Map, "Check this out..."

Andrew casually skimmed over the map and was about to hand it back to Barry, when he paused; hand halfway over to Barry.

"This is Hogwarts!"

"_Exactly_..." Barry grinned.

Andrew's eyes grew wide,

"Does it show Hogsmeade!" He began flipping the folds of the paper over, "Maybe we could then find where their hiding Andy."

"Their at the Hogs Head..."

"So it _does_ show Hogsmeade!"

"No...Drew, I just know Lemo's obsessed with that place."

"Well to the Hogs Head!"

"I don't think they'll want-"

Andrew grabbed him by the scruff of the neck,

"We're going!"

"Going..." Barry echoed.

* * *

Barry and Andrew entered the Hogs Head, only to find Lemo, Andy, Cheesy and Banana weren't there. Andrew groaned,

"Barry, their not here and I'm froze my ass off to get here!"

Barry frowned,

"Sorry Drew, I just thought I remembered Lemo saying she was going to be here...Wait, we'll ask the barman..." Barry strolled over to the bar, which was covered in dust, "Um...Excuse me?" Barry raised a timid hand to knock on the bar.

Suddenly a old man popped up from behind the bar,

"Yes?"

Barry jumped,

"Uhh...Sir...I was wondering...Did fours teenaged girls come in earlier?"

The barman nodded,

"Yep, infact you just missed them. Rowdy group, my best customers in five months though, so I ain't complaining..."

Barry turned back to Drew,

"We just-"

Andrew suddenly grabbed Barry and shoved him under the closest table, yanking the invisibility cloak over him.

"Andrew, what the fuck are you doing!"

McGonagall entered the room,

"You're right Fredrick, this pub isn't as chocker..."

Fredrick Cocoa entered the room followed by Hagrid,

"Yes, indeed it is...Over there, in the corner looks like a good spot..."

McGonagall spotted Andrew,

"Watson! What are you doing in here? Alone."

Andrew wrinkled his nose,

"Andy is having a day with the girls and Barry is stuck at the school, Professor."

"Oh yes, but what about Weasel?"

"With his Girlfriend."

"Roberts?"

"One of the girls."

"Shortbottom?"

"Too clumsy."

"Kently?"

"Two of the girls."

"Ranger?"

"I don't know where she is..."

"Parker?"

"With Jack."

"Jack?"

"I don't know him either."

McGonagall tapped her foot,

"Well...You know Watson, if you like looking like a loner. Then stay."

Andrew pretended to sound offended,

"Are you trying to get rid of me Professor?"

"Yep."

"I'm not leaving," He replied stubbornly.

McGonagall sniffed impatiently,

"I'll give you a detention!"

"I'll tell Mr. Cocoa what happened at Christmas in second year!"

McGonagall paled,

"Fine. Stay."

Cocoa looked puzzled,

"What happened?"

McGonagall stood behind Cocoa mouthing, 'twenty points for Gryffindor',

"Oh...It's a funny story, the house elves put a knut in the christmas cake and I bite into it. Professor McGonagall had to fix my broken tooth," Andrew faked a laugh.

Cocoa roared with laughter,

"I love hearing those kind of stories! Come along McGonagall, Hagrid!"

Andrew stared at Cocoa,

"Um...Okay..."

As soon as Barry saw their footsteps had moved away from the table by the door, he spoke,

"What kind of story was that!"

"A really bad one, that just earned Gryffindor twenty points."

Barry shook his head, only Andrew couldn't see because he had the cloak on,

"So shall we leave?"

Andrew hushed him,

"Listen..."

"To what?"

"What they're saying?"

Barry grabbed at Andrew's sleeve,

"I don't want to hear what a bunch of old people have to say about my crazy murderer of a godfather! Lets go!"

"You can hear them?"

"_Nah_ I guessed Andrew, lets go! My legs are cramping!"

Andrew gasped,

"You're good! To guess that so accurately, it's a wonder you suck so bad at Divination..."

Barry groaned,

"How come you're so gullible? We're going _now_. Andy will probably be back at the common room now..."

"Lets go!"


	21. Forgotten Anniversaries and New Pets

**I would jus like to thank lotte-smotti for loading the previous chappeh up when my Fanfic was beign eval! thanx lotte! hugs lol in a crazeh hugging mood at teh mo...**

**

* * *

Chapter twenty-one: Forgotten Anniversaries and New Pets**

The next few weeks sped by and soon the Gryffindors - and Jub - found it was that time of year again; McGonagall was taking names down for who was going to spend Christmas at Hogwarts. So everyone was in the Christmas spirit; Lemo and Andy could be heard singing Christmas carols off-key; Cheesy and Banana were bewitching mistletoes to follow people; Andrew and Barry were seen wearing Santa hats and Reindeer antlers; Emo was always wrapping tinsel around her and Jack; Mione kept disappearing, humming the last carol she heard Andy and Lemo singing; and Don and Jub were constantly feeding each other christmas cake. There was regular snowball fights between the large group, as they tried to make the most of their last few days before most of them went home to their families. Barry, of course not being one of them, but Mrs. Weasel wouldn't hear of not seeing Don for the holidays, but comprimised by saying Jub could stay with them. Cheesy and Banana were also forced to leave by their parents, ("I sent you off to magic school, and I only get this oppertunity to see you before the summer, England is too far away! Your both coming home to open presents, eat Christmas roast and have fun, dammit!" Mrs. Kentson screeched in a howler.)

* * *

Lemo propped up her feet on Barry's stomach as he lay on the ground in front of the fire, and Andy made herself comfortable on Andrew's knee.

"Look at her over there..." Lemo commented, they all turned to see her she was talking about, "She must get so lonely." Lemo was talking about Lotte Tegan, Gryffindors resident loner. She never seemed to be with anyone nor did she ever leave Gryffindor tower, "I'm going to go talk to her."

"Why?" Barry asked raising an eyebrow.

"Why not?" Lemo argued, she rose from her seat and walked over to Tegan, "So, you're stuck here for the holidays too?"

Tegan looked up with a bored look, then looked back at the ground; effectively ignoring Lemo. Lemo wrinkled her nose and walked back to the couch,

"She ignored me! She looked right at me, then snobbed me!"

Andy gasped,

"Let me try!" Andy walked over to Tegan tapped her on the shoulder, "Hey, do you want to come and join us?" Tegan didn't even give Andy a glance, Andy stomped back over to Andrews lap, "What a bitch!"

Before Andy sat down, Andrew stood up,

"Stand back, I'll show you how it's done..."

Barry rolled his eyes,

"And you would know 'how it's done'?"  
Andrew cracked his knuckles and walked confidently over to Tegan,

"The names Andrew, my friends and I were wondering if you wanted to come have a snowball fight with us?"

Tegan looked up,

"No thank-you, Andrew."

"Um, okay see you around..." Andrew turned around with a triumphant grin on his face, walked back to the couch, and allowed Andy to sit back down on him, "Told you I could handle those people."

"Drew, yes she spoke to you, but she wasn't exactly thrilled to have you in her face."

"Actually, I beg to differ..." Barry disagreed, nodding in Lotte Tegan's dirrection, who was smiling to herself.

"You know, she scares me," Andy commented, "Her make-up's cool though."

"Looks like someone gave her two black eyes."

"It's called eyeliner, Drew," Lemo informed him.

"You know Drew, I think Tegan's got a liking for you. You better look out Andy." Barry joked. Little did he know...

* * *

Andrew woke with a start. Something had woken him but he wasn't sure what. Looking around he tried to find the culprit, the only other person in the room was Barry who had obviously fallen off his bed as he was sleeping on the floor. Andrew looked at the foot of his bed, there were no presents there yet so it must be early. He lay back down and took a deep breath. This Christmas was a big Christmas for Lemo and Barry, and Barry was shitting himself with it being their two year anniversary. He had finally decided (unselfishly I might add.) to buy Lemo a snake - even though her previous pet, Winston often got more attention than Barry but he knew it'd make her happy. Andrew sighed, then froze. It was a well known fact that him and Andy was the first pair in the group to go out, that meant that their anniversary had been and gone. He hadn't even noticed! Andrew gulped,

"Shit...I'm in the crap!" Andrew jumped out of bed, if he got Andy something even better than the collar he got that changed colors for her dog, (She loves that dog) and some chocolate frogs. Andrew cursed, he was so screwed. He snapped his fingers, he could use Barry's map and go to Hogsmeade, Barry wouldn't mind - he'd understand he was using it save his arse.

* * *

After he had finally found Barry's map and invisibility cloak, he began walking down the dorm stairs. He heard a stair creak behind him, he spun around. No one was there,

"That's weird..." He muttered to himself.

He continued his journey and crept through the common room. All was silent, until there was a large crash behind him, Andrew screamed and dropped to the floor, covering his hair,

"Who's there?" Andrew called out from under the cloak. There was a squeal, then an odd fluttering noise and all was silent, "Hello?" Andrew shook himself, "There's some freaky shit going on..."

* * *

The next day Andy and Lemo woke to presents at the end of the bed,

"PRESENTS!" Lemo dived for them screaming excitedly.

Andy looked around as she reached for her presents,

"Hey, shouldn't Tegan be here?"

Lemo was about to reply when she screamed long and loud,

"OH MY FUCKING GOD! SAUCEY GOT ME A SNAKE!"

Andy screamed,

"Why!"

Lemo read the card attached to the cage,

"'Dear Lemo, as you're probably aware...It's our two year anniversary, so I decided to get you something extra special...Barry.' Awwww! He got me a snake! I always wanted a snake!"

Andy gasped.

"What Andy?"

Andy began screaming happily,

"Look!" She held up a pretty silver ring that had a stone that flashed different colors, "'Dear Andy, I'm going to be honest. I forgot until last night that our anniversary had been and gone. I know it must have been very upsetting that I was that careless. I'm sorry. Drew.' Awww!" Andy grinned and collasped on her bed. A second later she jumped up,

"Oh my god, when was our anniversary!"

Lemo dropped her Berty Blotts Every Flavor Beans,

"You're not saying you forgot too did you!"

* * *

"Wow, Lemo got me a new broom!"

Andrew's mouth dropped open as Barry opened an identical broom to the broom in the Quidditch magazine open in front of him,

"An expensive broom!"

Barry let out a low whistle,

"I can't believe she did this! This is way to much, she really shouldn't have..."

"Who shouldn't have?" Lemo asked as she barged in.

"This!" Barry held up the his new broom, which was sleek with the word _Firebolt_ down the side.

Lemo's mouth dropped,

"Barry...I didn't get you that..."

Barry frowned,

"Then who did?"

Lemo shrugged,

"I have no idea, I don't have that kind of money! I got you contacts lenses, a huge stash of firewhisky."

"Firewhisky? Mean!" Barry said, he then shook his head, "Yea but who got me this!"

"Dunno, but thank-you so much for getting me Steve. He's so cute..."

"No prob-"

"Uhh...Guys...Barry's not the only one who's got a mystery gift..." Andrew interrupted, he held up a dead rat.

"Oh my god is that Don's rat?"

Andrew squinted at the rat, who he was holding at arms length,

"I don't know...They all look the same, I mean a rat is a rat! But listen to this '_This Rat is a symbol of my love for you. One day we shall be united in the eternal bonds of life and love_'..."

Andy shivered,

"That's just creepy!"

Barry cleared his throat,

"Okay, so Drew has a freaky admirer who sends him dead rats...But someone sent _me_ a _good_ present!"

Lemo gasped,

"You know it could be sent from Keller! Barry! It could bewitched, we should give it to McGongall."

"What!" Barry, Andy and Andrew all exclaimed.

"Why the hell should I do that? Lemo, this is a wicked broom, why hand it in?"

"Yea, he may as well hand in his cloak and the map while he's at it!"

Lemo rolled her eyes,

"Please Barry, hand it in. It could be dangerous."

Barry bit his lip,

"Okay I will...Only to keep you from worrying..." Lemo grinned and ran to hug him, with her Steve still around her neck. Barry backed away, "Maybe another time..."

* * *

Overa spectacular Christmas breakfast Andrew told the others about the odd happenings the night before,

"And then suddenly it was silent and the _thing_ was gone..."

Barry shook his head,

"It was probably just a stray owl."

"A stray owl doesn't walk down stairs, Barry," Lemo pointed out.

Andy blushed,

"Drew, I have to tell you something..."

Andrew snapped to attention,

"Yes?"

"You didn't have to rush out and get me an amazing gift, I forgot about our anniversary too."

"You did! You mean I was stalked by some weirdo in the dark for nothing!"

Andy looked at her plate,

"Well I love the ring, so it wasn't a complete waste of time..."

Lemo and Barry looked from Andy to Andrew.

Andrew grabbed Andy into a hug,

"Why are we being so serious! It's Christmas day, we all got amazing gifts, we're eating amazing food, this hole season is fucking amazing!" he kissed her.

Lemo looked at Barry expectantly.

Barry shrugged, he wasn't going to argue, he pulled Lemo closer.

"I love you, you know Andy. More than Quidditch," Andrew whispered. Little did they notice the sound of fluttering wings as Andy responded,

"Me too."

Lemo giggled,

"I won, Barry's told me first! You owe me ten gallons!"

Andy moaned,

"I'll pay you later..."

Andrew and Barry exchanged a glance.


	22. Andrew's Stalker

**Chapter twenty-two: Andrew's Stalker**

As they had spent most of their Christmas holidays (which had been extended as someone had tinkered with the rail road the Hogwarts Express took), Lemo, Barry, Andrew and Andy lay sprawled out on the couches in the common room, discussing the current problem: Andrew was being stalked. Lemo shook her head,

"I think you should take it as a compliment, I mean not many people can say they've been stalked before..."

Andrew looked at her,

"That's because no one would _want_ to be stalked by someone and wouldn't be proud of it if they did!"

Lemo shrugged,

"It's been harmless."

"Until now," Barry looked the most serious he ever had been, "This person has taken it to a whole new level! Last night I couldn't sleep and _something_ swooped into the window-"

Lemo scoffed,

"What was it? An owl?"

Barry ignored her,

"And it like morphed into a human figure in a cloak and it just stood there staring down at Drew. And then it started to stroke his face, it was-"

Andy stood up,

"No one touches my man but me!"

Andrew grinned,

"Kinky..."

Andy hit him on the back of the head,

"No."

Lemo frowned,

"It touched you!"

Andrew shivered,

"Yea...It's been doing every night and it occasionally whispers in my ear-"

"Why didn't you tell me this earlier?" Andy demanded.

"Why didn't you tell all of us earlier?" Lemo asked

"I didn't want you guys to think I've gone insane!"

"Mate, I don't think you're the insane one...Tell them about the letters..."

Andrew shivered,

"I've been recieving love letters written in blood." Andy retched, Lemo coughed and stared. "Plus they broke the frame that has that picture of Andy and I..." Andrew tried not to look guilty as Barry mouthed at him 'Oh yea blame it on your stalker, you clumsy asshole!' Andrew mouthed back at him 'Don't say anything or I'll tell Lemo what you have under your bed!' Barry eyes grew round, 'What about yours!'. Lemo popped her head between the two,

"We all know what you too have under your bed. We're not stupid."

Andrew frowned,

"Why would you know that?"

"Andy and I were trying to figure out how best to jump out at you two a few months back and then Seamus and Thomas walked in. So we hid under the beds." Lemo sighed, "Good times. Turns out Thomas and Seamus needed to get change..."

Andy giggled,

"Thomas wasn't great, but Seamus surprised us-"

Andrew and Barry clapped their hands over their ears. Lemo and Andy laughed; men were so gullible.

Barry cautiously withdrew his hands,

"Anyway...Back to Andrew's stalker and the reason we bought this up. Andrew's latest note informed us Don's rat has a particular hiding spot. We all know it'd make Don's day if we found his rat." The rest nodded, "Only problem is...It's in the Forbidden Forest."

"And could possibly be a trap..." Lemo added. Barry shot her a look as Andy's eyes grew round,

"Y-You think this stalker could be dangerous?"

Andrew put an arm around her,

"Hey it could be just a Slytherin playing a joke..."

"Then why are we checking if Don's rat is where they say it is?" Andy asked.

"Because there is the possibility that it might not be, we just want to be sure..." Barry explained. Lemo nodded. "So shall we go tonight?"

Andrew checked his watch,

"Eh, I guess so..."

**

* * *

A/N This next bit is written by Charlotte Taylor (Lotte Tegan) several weeks ago! (Sorry I changed a bit to work in with the story...But other than that it's yours Lotte Smotti!)**

"Why did we bother?" Barry asked, looking over to Andrew whose face was etched in fear.

"Because Don loves that bloody rat..."

"He hardly remembers he has the bloody thing-"

"And we need to find the girls - we should never have split up in the first place."

Barry nodded in agreement. Moments later they both jumped in fright at a scream in the distance. Andrew paled and whispered, "Andy!" and took off towards the dirrection of the sound, leaving Barry to keep up with him.

* * *

Slowing after a while they found themselves in a clearing covered in streaming moonlight.

"What...Is...That?" panted Barry to Andrew, pointing towards low trees that had twined their boughs together forming a large arc and from the centre of the arc hung a large, thin, black bat with it's wings tucked up as if sleeping. Andrew shuffled uncomfortably.

"Listen," Barry whispered, in the silence of the forest, "It's Lemo!" Barry cried and ran forward, Andrew was about to stop him when a glint of metal caught his eye, it was Andy ring. The one he had given her for Christmas, in the pale moonlight it continued to flash it's colors. Andrew's heart skipped a beat as he grabbed the ring off the ground and ran to catch up with Barry.

* * *

Both boys breathed a sigh of relief when the saw Lemo, who was cradling Andy's head on her lap. It looked as if Andy was out cold.

"What happened?' Andrew asked Lemo.

"We heard something behind us, so we both panicked and ran, then Andy tripped on a root," Lemo replied sheepishly.

"What was behind you?" Barry asked, putting an arm around Lemo who shrugged,

"I don't know, thank god she was here to help us."

Andrew looked at Lemo quizzedly,

"Who?" he asked.

A cloaked figure walked out from behind a nearby tree,

"I didn't mean to scare them, I was only trying to warn them," said a familiar voice.

Both boys jumped, the cloaked figure lowered their hood. Andrew and Barry gasped,

"Lotte Tegan? What are you doing out here?" Andrew asked.

Barry nudged Andrew nodding slightly at Tegan, her face was pale and tow small fangs rested on her bottom lip. Her usually black rimmed green eyes were a violent shade of red. Barry glimpsed a shimmer of somthing wet on the chest of her black cloak and gulped, could it be blood?

Tegan ignored Andrew's question,

"You guys should leave immediately, something strange is roaming the woods," Lotte Tegan smiled shyly, "After all it is a full moon." As if on cue a howl echoed through the forest, Lemo squealed. When no one actually said anything, (They just settled for staring at her) Tegan continued, "Well now that you boys are here, Barry you can carry Andy back to the castle."

Andrew looked offended,

"I can carry her myself!"

If it was possible Tegan's cheeks pinked ever so slightly,

"I was hoping I could talk to you briefly."

Lotte looked at Andrew pointedly,

"Don't worry, Barry can carry her."

Andrew looked back at Tegan,

"Sure."

Andrew and Tegan watched Barry lift Andy off the ground as Lemo trotted along beside him, 'helping' by carrying Andy's left arm.

Andrew turned to face Tegan,

"You wanted a chat?"

"I...I... just wanted to say I was sorry for the past week," Tegan stampered, as Andrew looked confused. "I was your stalker," she explained, "But tonight, I finally go it, you love Andy and that there is no way I could make you leave her, and I'm sorry I thought I had a chance..."

Andrew stared at her,

"You were my stalker?"

Tegan nodded silently,

"I'm sorry if I scared you."

"Um, okay. Apology accepted..." Andrew cleared his throat nervously, "I guess I better get back...Have fun...Doing whatever you're doing and I'll see you in the common room later..."

Lotte Tegan nodded. As they stood there in silence, Andrew turned to leave, keeping his eyes on the ground, he stopped. Still looking at the ground Andrew turned back around,

"Why me? I mean, I thought I was lucky enough having one girl her could stand me...I mean I'm so...Annoying. I snore, never clean up after myself, I have a sick mind, not overly smart, I lose everything that is nailed down, I-"

"You treated me like a human being, you didn't seem to care I was like this."

Andrew frowned,

"Like what?"

"A vampire, a loner, me."

Andrew finally looked up to see her expression,

"No one's perfect."

Lotte's eyes seemed to have faded and her face more pale, she leaned heavily on a nearby tree,

"In someone's eyes you are. Maybe more than one person. Unfortunately that doesn't cover vampires. We're not programmed to be loved, we're horrible creatures that ruin other people's lives. That's why I will always be the loner."

Andrew shifted uncomfortably,

"You don't have to be, you can come sit next to us tomorrow morning at breakfast if you want."

Lotte smiled weakly,

"I'd like that," Lotte leant over and gently kissed Andrew on the cheek, who jumped, "I just wanted to see what it'd be like."

Andrew looked around quickly making sure they were alone,

"I won't become a vampire will I?"

Lotte smiled,

"No, don't worry," Lotte wheezed slightly.

Andrew now looked at her more carefully,

"Are you okay?"

Lotte raise up a hand,

"I'm fine, just need to go find a wild pig or something, then I'll be fine."

"Oh, okay..." Andrew nodded, "I better catch up." He then walked briskly away.

* * *

As soon as Lotte could no longer hear Andrew's footsteps she collasped on the ground and lay on the fragrant earth, cold and still she lay. Her breathing slowly stopped until she became completely still, her unseeing eyes dull, yet open, and a deathly pale color was her face. Never lived, never loved. Thus she died, a stake driven through her heart. The blood that Barry had seen on her cloak had been her own.**

* * *

Barry Saucepan Trival Fact: (Not on purpose) In both 'Barry Saucepan and the Unessary Sequel' and 'Barry Saucepan and the Escaped Manic' have a guest writer in Chapter 22**


	23. The Big Scary Doggy

**I am a Banana: Don't hate me! Besides, there was a reason why it worked like that. With them hardly leaving the castle I couldn't get another way of getting the lazy buggers out of the castle...**

**Chapter twenty-three: The Big Scary Doggy**

Barry and Lemo stood on the edge of the forest with the still unconscious Andy, waiting for Andrew to catch up with them. Sure enough the tall confident figure strolled out of the forest as though he had gone for a Sunday walk, except for the fact he kept glancing nervously behind him,

"Well that was a complete waste of time..." Andrew grumbled once he was standing beside them.

Lemo shook her head,

"Nope, we found Don's rat on out way back." Lemo held up the rat by it's tail, who was desperate to get away.

Andrew looked surprised,

"Well...That's lucky."

"Yes."

They stood in silence. Barry cleared his throat and gently nudged Andy's head with his foot,

"Andy's coming around."

Andrew grunted and bent down to Andy's level,

"You okay babe?" Andy opened her eyes slowly and screamed. "Well you don't have to look so happy to see me..." Andrew frowned.

Lemo began screaming as well,

"FLUFFY DOGGY!" The dog lunged for Lemo's out stretched up, leaping over Andy and Andrew. Lemo began more urgent screaming, "BAD DOGGY! BAD!"

Barry dived in front of Lemo, the huge dog bit in Barry's side and began dragging Barry towards the Whomping Willow.

"Somebody! Stop him!" Lemo screamed helplessly as she heaved Andy to her feet. After a brief moment of blank stares they all chased after the dog. "DON'T EAT HIM!" Lemo begged.

The dog pulled Barry quickly to the Whomping Willow and in a second they were gone. Lemo looked as though she was about to pass out,

"OH MY FUCKING GOD! A TREE ATE MY BOYFRIEND!"

They reached the tree and stared in disbelief at the hole in the ground that the dog must have pulled Barry through.

"Hey, that wasn't there before." Andrew pointed out. Andy and Lemo shrugged as the dropped to the ground and began crawling army-style to the center of the tree, "You two have got to stop watching those crappy old videos I have at home!"

"Your coming, Drew!" Andy hissed.

Reluctantly Andrew dropped onto his stomach and began crawling too, muttering how retarded they looked and that the tree was laughing at them. As usual he was ignored.

XXXX

All was going good until suddenly the tree decided the army-crawling trick had lost it's entertainment rating, the Whomping Willow came down and hit Lemon squarely on the head, another branch swept her off the ground and began throwing her around. Andy who was still recovering from her own head injury hadn't relised she was missing was only feet away from the hole when Lemo grabbed her and pulled her onto the branch that was throwing her around. On the ground Andrew lay frozen. Shitting himself. As soon as a branch came near him, he grabbed it and allowed it to throw him about until he reached the girls branch. Which was still them around,

"So...Come here often?" he joked. Both girls looked at him. "What? I was trying to lighten the situation!"

"You should have stayed on the ground! You can't help if your being thrown around too!" Andy grumbled.

Andrew frowned,

"Well I'm sorry I didn't think of that!"

Lemo shooked her head as best she could,

"It was kind of obvious."

Suddenly the tree flung them into the hole and they landed all in a heap. Lemo on the bottom, then Andrew then Andy.

Andrew miaowed,

"Kinky..."

Lemo groaned under the wait,

"You find everything kinky so get your wand out of my ribs and get off me!"

"What if it isn't my wand?" Even though it was dark both girls could tell he was doing his classic eyebrow bounce.

"Your dick wouldn't be that long..." Lemo answered back.

Andy giggled,

"It isn't..."

Lemo gagged and heaved herself up knocking the rest over,

"C'mon, we're moving..."

Andrew and Andy dusted each other and ran after Lemo who was determined to catch up to Barry and the dog.

"Where do you suppose this leads to?" Andrew asked.

Lemo shrugged,

"I don't know, but Barry's there and we have to catch up before that dog eats him!"

"I don't think it'll-"

Lemo raised up a hand,

"Shut up!"

XXXX

They walked and they walked until they finally reached a large wooden door. For a moment they just gwalked at it until Andrew sighed in frustration and opened the door for Lemo. As soon as she had recovered she sprinted into the house looking around for a sign, (perhaps reading 'kidnapped children this way'.)

"He's upstairs!"

Andy looked around,

"How can you tell?"

"MY BARRY SENSE ARE TINGLING!"

Andy clapped a hand over Lemo's mouth,

"What are you doing! Just tell everyone we're here!"

Andrew shook his head and looked around the dusty room. It had the shredded remains of a couch and a dusty table with claw marks scratch down it. Andrew let out a low whistle,

"Whoa that dog has anger management problems." At that moment he relised he was alone, above him he heard a high pitched scream. Then silence except the building's gentle creaking. Andrew jumped and began running for the stairs that he took two at a time. Pin pointing where the scream came from he burst through a door, ripping it off it's rusted hinges, he then promptly fell over said door. Lemo slapped her head with her forehead,

"Way to make an entrance Drew-"

"Drew! It's a trap!" Barry warned, lying on a falling apart bed, clutching his side. Andrew was about to try and pull himself up when he felt a foot on his back and a sharp voice stated,

"I believe you kids know someone I want dead."


	24. Best Be Off, Must Go Turn In2 a Werewolf

**Chapter twenty-four: Best Be Off, Must Go Turn Into a Werewolf**

Andrew, still on the ground frowned,

"And who would that be?"

Lemo was screaming hysterically,

"IT'S SERIOUS KILLER!"

Understanding dawned on Andrew's face as Keller frowned,

"Why must everyone twist my name around like that!"

Lemo shrugged,

"Fine. IT'S SIRIUS KELLER!"

Keller nodded in approval,

"Anyway as I was saying...You lot know someone I wanted dead...So can I have him and I'll leave you alone..."

Lemo dived in slow motion on top of Barry,

"NO! YOUR NOT TAKING HIM!"

For a moment their was an awkward silence. Which was broken by Andy sneezing.

"Well...Moving on..." Came Barry's muffled reply.

Keller scratched his head,

"Hey, I don't know what you're on you disturbed little girl-" Lemo growled, "But it's not Barry I want to kill."

There was a chorus of, "It's not!"s

Keller stared and removed his foot from Andrew's back, who stood up

"No, it's not. I'm looking for a Basterd/traitor-posing-as-a-rat."

"Oh. Okay then. I guess you don't need us..." Lemo pulled herself off Barry, then proceed to check his injuries.

Keller stood in the doorway,

"No, you have the rat I want."

Lemo frowned,

"No..."

"Yes..."

"No..."

"Yes..."

"No..."

"Yes..."

"No..."

"Yes..."

"No..."

"Yes..."

"No..."

"Okay, stop it!" Barry yelled in frustration, he pulled him self off the bed grimacing the whole way, "Explain, Keller. So you don't want to kill me? You just want to kill a rat...?"

Keller nodded,

"Yea, that's pretty much it."

"Why?" Andrew asked.

"Because, that rat is really Peter Pedigrew. Old school friend who betrayed your parents, Barry to Voldemort. Then faked his own death so that I went to jail."

Barry, Andrew and Andy gasped as Lemo threw the rat onto the floor and proceed to stamp on it, screaming,

"DIE YOU EVIL BEAST OF HELL!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I want to kill him!" Keller yelled as he dived for the rat.

"He betrayed my parents!" Barry screamed and also dived for the rat. The rat squealed and tried to dodge all the people coming for it.

"STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!" Remus Loopy entered the room, "What the bloody hell are you kids doing!"

Keller, Barry and Lemo stood up and stepped back, Keller clutching the rat,

"It's Peter, Remus!" He grinned looking slightly mad.

Remus raised an eyebrow,

"Sirius, Azkaban wasn't good to you was it?" Remus shook his head then jumped back, pulling out his wand, "Wait! Sirius! I will not let you kill Barry!"  
Keller frowned,

"And I'd do that because...? I mean Remus...He's my godson..."

"You betrayed you best friend!" Remus accused.

"Nah, mate it was Peter."

"Yea...Blame everything on Peter. He's dead now Sirius, who you going to blame stuff on now?

"I'm Sirius-"

"I know."

"No I'm serious-"

"I know," Remus interrupted again.

"_Seriously_, Remus. Peter's here."

"No he's not."  
Barry, Andrew, Lemo and Andy began to creep for the door...

"Remus!" Sirius held up the struggling rat, "He's right here!"

Remus raised a skeptical eyebrow, raised his wand,

"Hold him away from you..." Keller did as he was told. Remus held out his hand, "Stay here," he motioned to the attempting-to-escape-teens, he then muttered a charm and the room was filled with white light. Then suddenly before them, a twitching gross looking freak stood before them. It was Peter Pedigrew.

"Eww! He's all...gross looking..." Andy wrinkled her nose.

"I second that," Lemo said also wrinkling her nose.

Peter looked up at Sirius and Remus,

"Ahh! Sirius! Remus!" he tried to pretend he was innocent.

Remus looked at Barry, who nodded and chucked him his wand,

"Yea, do what you want..."

Peter's eyes widened in shock as Remus threw Barry's wand to Sirius,

"Wait outside children," Remus said smartly.

Barry, Andrew, Lemo and Andy all ran outside and hid around the corner. From inside the room they could hear Peter being smashed and bright lights filled the room and the hallway they stood in. They all exchanged looks of shock. There was then silence and Remus poked his head in,

"You can come in now."

They cautiously stepped inside, greeted by a very different scene they were expecting. Peter was in a pink dress and red stilletoes, clean shaven and bound and gagged.

"I thought you were going to kill him..." Andrew said what everyone was thinking.

"Why would we do that?" Sirius asked, "Then we couldn't prove that I was innocent now could we?"

Snape appeared in the room,

"Oh, I think it'll need more than that to prove you innoce-"

"Petrificus totalus!" Lemo and Andy screamed at the same time, wands raised at Snape. Snape's limbs snapped to his side, he then swayed dangerously before toppling over.

Everyone stared in shock at the two girls, Barry spoke first,

"What the fuck was that?"

Lemo shooked herself,

"Well...Whatever he was going to say was going to be bullshit..."

Everyone nodded in agreement.

"Can I kick him!" Sirius asked excited, he looked hopefully at Remus, "Please Remus! Please! Can I kick him!"

Remus looked as though he was going to given in, but his rational side took over,

"No, you can't Sirius."

Sirius looked disappointed,

"_Fine_," in an under tone he added, "Fun spoiler..."

Remus looked at his watch,

"Well best be off, must go turn into a werewolf..." He then trotted out of the room, all eyes staring after him.

Sirius looked at the students,

"I'm guessing from your surprised faces, you didn't know?" They all shook their heads. Sirius sighed, "Well don't tell anyone. Now we better be gone too...I'll carry Peter...We can leave Sevvy here, because I don't really want to touch him...And Barry I'm guessing you're okay to walk?"

Barry nodded,

"Yea, I'm okay-ish now..."

Sirius nodded,

"Yea, sorry about the whole attacking you thing..."

"No problem, I know you wanted the rat now, not me."

Sirius nodded,

"So we're cool?"

Barry nodded.

Sirius grinned and then grabbed Peter with one arm and slung him over his shoulder as though he was a sack of potatoes,

"We're off!"


	25. Peter Sucks Monkey Balls

**Chapter twenty-five: Peter Sucks Monkey Balls**

One by one Barry, Sirius, Drew, Andy and Lemo poured out of the Whomping Willow. Lemo and Andy were chattering about snake outfits for Steve, Drew was muttering to himself and Barry and Sirius (who was still carrying Peter) were talking about living arrangements,

"I don't know if you'd want to leave your aunt and uncle...But would you like to move in with me? Well, when I get my name cleared, buy a house, blow up my family home, kill my family house elf and cancel my membership to PlayWizard."

Barry raised an eyebrow,

"And that would be...?"

Sirius patted him fondly on the head with his free hadn,

"Oh I'll show you back cataloges when your eighteen..."

Lemo hit him on the back of the head,

"Oh no you won't! He doesn't need anymore funny ideas!" She then returned to discussing Steve with Andy.

(**Lemo note: Steve rocks)**

XXXX

"And so, my currently...Err..Busy, old friend Remus Loopy and I tied Peter like this so we could make him look like an idiot (in which we were successful) and make sure he didn't get away again," Sirius grinned at Dumbledore, who simply nodded as he wrote away furiously. Finally he put down his quill and looked Sirius in the eye,

"Well I guess this means your free to go. I shall get Cocoa here right away, to sort out Peter. Also you may have Harry when the school year finishes, as he is legally your responsibility now."

Sirius felt he was going to implode from happieness. He rose from his seat and turned to walk out of Dumbledores office, when he saw his chance. Sirius ran over to where Peter lay and kicked him hard a few times.

"Sirius! Control yourself!"

"NEVAH!" Sirius responded, he then turned and left the office, calling over his shoulder, "You should try it...It's rather satisfying.

XXXX

_Later that night..._

Cocoa looked down at Peter who looked rather bloodied up.

"What the hell happened to him?"

Dumbledore shifted his eyes,

"I...Have no idea..."

XXXX

**Lemo wishes to write random crap!**

**Hello Ambo's readers! I, Lemo wish to state that Steve is awesome!**


	26. Warm Fuzzies All Round

**Chapter twenty-six: Warm Fuzzies All Round**

Lemo climbed into her bed, she muttered good night to Andy and Steve and was about to drift off when someone burst into the dorm,

"Who the bloody hell is-"

"Lemo!"

"Mione?"

The light was switched on and Andy screamed and threw her head under her sheets,

"What the fuck is wrong with you woman!"

Mione ignored her,

"Lemo, where's Lotte Tegan?"

Lemo shrugged,

"She was in the forbidden forest...But never mind that, guess who really betrayed Barry's parents-"

"Where abouts!"

"Huh?"

"Where about was Lotte Tegan in the forest!"  
"Uhh...I don't know...Somewhere near a tree..."

Mione rolled her eyes,

"Lemo! I'm serious!"

"No your not...But since we're on the topic, he was proved innocent this evening and-"

"LEMO!" Mione yelled.

Andy popped her head out from underneath the covers,

"You know, I'm trying to sleep at the moment..."

"I'm trying to tell a story here Andy," Lemo glared.

"Well, I'm _sorry_, but I must sleep."

"Sleep, smeep. Barry now has a loving home."  
"Well loving home my ass. I need sleep."

"You can sleep later."  
"But I wana sleep _now_," Andy complained.

"Andy," Lemo said sternly, "Paitence-"

"WOULD THE PAIR OF YOU SHUT-UP!"

Lemo blinked, Andy's mouth dropped open.

"Mione. What are you doing here anyway? The Hogwarts Express is broken."  
Mione threw her hands up in the air,

"I just want to know where Lotte Tegan is!"

"I'm going to go spend the night with Drew...I'll get some sleep then..."

"That's not all your going to get!" Lemo teased.

"Only sleeping Lemo..."

"Well I'm the godmother."

"Yea, whatever Lemo..."

"You can't go back on that!"

Mione shooked Lemo,

"Focus! Please! This is important, where exactly did you last see Lotte Tegan!"

"Please stop shaking me."

"Not until you tell me where you saw her! It's important!"

"Well how am I supposed to tell you?"

"Show me then."

Before Lemo could question Mione, she pulled out two small hourglasses, Mione held them up to Lemo's face,

"This is a Travellers Glass, this one will take me _anywhere_ and this one takes me to _anytime_. This is how I've been able to get to my classes and how I got here."

Lemo's eye grew round,

"Wow. So why are you telling me this at one in the morning?"

"We have to find Lotte Tegan."

"Why...?"

"She died tonight Lemo."

Lemo eyed Mione doubtfully,

"What makes you say that?"

"I just know," Mione said, "Now come here."

XXXX

Lemo looked around,

"Mione...Where are we?"

Mione looked around also,

"In your head."

Lemo laughed,

"Oh sure we are..." They were inside a dark space, it was damp and a rather horrible smell that made Lemo wrinkle her nose, "So where are we _really_?"

"In your head."

Lemo rolled her eyes,

"Not funny Mione."

Mione walked over to a filing cabinet in the corner,

"Around what time did you see Lotte Tegan?"

Lemo frowned,

"I don't know...Around eight?"

Mione bent down, pulled out a lower drawer and grabbed a file from inside at random,

"Did you think about how it'd be hot to 'see Barry and Drew do it' before or after you saw Lotte Tegan?"

"What!"

"Before or after?" Mione repeated.

"How did you find out I thought that!"

"Answer the question."

"Before..." Lemo muttered.

"Thank-you...Now, this is your head Lemo. Now all short term memory files are here...Long term are other there...And general knowledge is over there..."

"So this really in my head!"

"Aha!" Mione exclaimed here's the file with Lotte Tegan! We can go now."

"But we just arrived-"

XXXX

Lemo and Mione found themselves back in the dorm.

"Mione how could I be in my own head?"

Mione was still holding a file,

"Your mind isn't actually in you head...Anyway, I'm going to borrow this, okay? I'll give it back later...Cya." Mione chucked her place hourglass on the bed, "Oh and you can use that one, since I'm borrowing your memory..." Then she vanished.

Lemo stood and stared at the hourglass for a moment then grinned,

"I'm so going to have fun with this..."

XXXX

Lemo skipped around Barry's mind,

"HE THINKS ABOUT ME NAKED!"

XXXX

Lemo's squeal echoed through Andy's mind,

"You've nailed him!"

XXXX

Lemo looked at one of Andrew's few knowledge files,

"He knows how octopie mate!"

XXXX

"We all have serious issues..." Lemo then collasped on her bed, going through people's thoughts was exhausting...

XXXX

Andy awoke to _non-sexual_ poking,

"Mione, I told you before...Leave me alone! That goes for you too Drew."

"It's not Andrew."

Andy opened her eyes,

"Lotte Tegan!"

"I need to apologise-"

"Mione said you died."

"I didn't - she went back in time and - Oh don't worry about that. I don't know if Andrew told you...But I was his stalker," Andy looked alarmed. "Oh but don't worry, I'm over him. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that. So yea...I guess I'll go now..."

Andy cocked her head,

"And this couldn't wait until morning?"

"No, not really. I'm just glad I'm alive now."

Andy nodded,

"I guess you would be...Who drove the stake through your heart then?"

"I did."

An uncomfortable fell over the pair. Andy coughed,

"_Awkard_..."

Lotte laughed,

"Nah, don't worry about it. Hey, Andrew offered me to sit next to you guys tomorrow, is that okay?"

"Uhh...Sure."

"Thanks."

Andy looked closely at Lotte Tegan, and that's awfully close, as Andy didn't have her contacts in,

"You're not pasty anymore."

Lotte grinned,

"Well I suppose now that your awake you won't mind hearing a quick story?" Andy was about to protest but Lotte ignored her, "When Mione found out I was a vampire she researched people like me and she found out that if you kill the vampire that bit me it frees me from the curse. So it turned out this evening Mione had a breakthrough and found out who killed me, where they were and went after them using her Travelling Glass-"

"Which would be..."

Lotte ignored the interruption,

"And so she managed to kill him, honestly Mione could be like that muggle girl...What was her name? Muffy? Eh, anyway she killed him, no idea how she found him, who cares...But then she found out I'd died so using one of Lemo's memory files-"

"What!"

"-And found me and went back in time and brought me to the Hospital Wing as soon as Andrew left me in the forest."

"Then how did you get well so quickly?"

"Well you lot were down in the Shrieking Shack for an awful long time. I just left the Hospital Wing. They only just found Snape you know." Andy sniggered. "Well I best be off, I'm going to find a spell to dye my hair brown, it'll be nice to have the decision...Night."

Andy mumbled a night and put head back on the pillow she was sharing with Andrew.

XXXX

Barry, Lemo, Andrew, Andy and Lotte (Mione had gone home), sat chattering on at the Gryffindor table as though nothing had happened the previous night when suddenly Dumbledore rose from his seat,

"Well we are still having differculty getting the Hogwarts Express working again, so we suggest you find a way home because we're closing the school early. That is all."

There was stunned silence for a moment then Lemo jumped onto the table, closely followed by Andy and they both screamed,

"YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!"

XXXX

Weighed down by their luggage, Barry, Andrew, Lemo and Andy flew home on their broomsticks, (Lotte's father had come to pick her up, pleasantly surprised to find her cured.) laughing all the way.

"So Barry, when did Sirius say he'll be ready for you to come live with him?" Andrew asked.

"Well he said as soon as I've got all my stuff sorted at the Dursley's, I just have to send him an owl."

"You'll have to owl _us_ when you've moved in!" Andy said.

"I will!" Barry called.

Lemo smiled, she couldn't believe it, finally Barry had escaped the Dursley's...


	27. Barry Saucepan Finis

Well incase you didn't notice...Barry Saucepan and the Escaped Maniac is complete. Now when is the next one going to be started you ask? Well I'm not doing it as I'm too lazy. (Lemo: THE SORROW!)

(Cheeseh: Yo.)

BUT!

There is some good news... (Lemo: Woo!)

(Cheeseh: IS IT PIE!)

Someone else is going to do it...Someone who is probably as insane as I am, her pen name is:

xXx-Beautiful-Lies-xXx (Lemo: Poofy! Aka Lotte)

So check it out. (Cheeseh: Ahahaha! Poofy. Hi!)

Now teh more interesting stuff...

People I lobe:

I am a Banana - Thanks for always giving me critism when needed, dissing my grammar and giving me marshmellows! Telling me what you like and jus generally commenting on my chapters! I lobe you for dat!

-gives banana-

(Note: I am a Banana is Banana in the story)

Lemo - Well I don't really need to say much to you as your online and everything.(Lemo: Hi!) But you review every chapter with out fail (unless your being lazy P) and you do that for most of my stories. I LOBE YOU LEMON! Oh and incase you didn't realize other reviewers...Lemo is Lemo in the story. YES SHE EXISTS! (unfortunately..) lol jk... -shifteh eyes- (Lemo: j00're so very mean!)

(Cheeseh: I'M MAKING MYSELF KNOWN! Hi!)

-pats head-

(Lemo: pouts)

xXx-Beautiful-Lies-xXx/Poofeh - Thanks for taking this story into your hands for the next story and thanks for the great support throughout the story! She guest wrote in this story, but if your worried the BS will become angst (or wangst) don't worry she's had orders to have it's usual slapstick comedy. Aye Lotte Smotti...

(xXx-Beautiful-Lies-xXx/Poofeh is Lotte Tegan in the story)

(Lemo: Hi Poofeh!)

(Cheeseh: Hi Poofeh! LEMEH SMELLS!)

(Lemo: LIES! ALL LIES!)

DragonOfWinter - Thanks Erin you were there straight from the beginning and reviewed every chapter and they were always positive. )

(DragonOfWinter was Emo in the story)

Cheeseh the Awesome/x-GlitterPop-x - I knew you were there and I'm sorry Cheesy and Banana weren't there in the end, but to many characters would have confused me. lol but thanks Cheeseh! I LOBE YOU!

(Cheeseh The Awesome is Cheesy in the story)

(Lemo: CHEEEEEEESEEEEEEEH!)

(Cheeseh: I'M CHEESEH THE AWESOME! WOOOOOOOOO! I lobe you too, Ambo!)

(Lemo: CHEESY SMELLS!)

Sugar High Water Uma - Thanks so much for the support through the incredibly long stories! I can't believe I've managed to have a reviewer who didn't have to be bribed with a character in the story (lol) Thanks soooooo much! You showed me in your reviews what you found funny and commented what you thought. Thanx alot!

-Gives Pickle Gift Basket-

(Lemo: Hi random stranger! steals a pickle to throw at civilians)

Knives - Your random reviews were funny and made me laugh. You reviewed most of all my BS stories, showing you care! T'awwwww

(Lemo: Hi other random stranger! throws a pickle at)

**These people may have only reviewed once, but I still lobe them, because Barry Saucepan and the Escaped made BS history. On the 25th of July 2006...**

**BARRY SAUCEPAN HIT 100 REVIEWS!**

**+plus+**

**Barry Saucepan 3 only had 26 chapters while other BS's had over 30.**

**So to have it get over 50 reviews is HUGE**

**So thanks to:**

xXBloodPhoenixXx(Lemo: HI SPOOTEH!), Pooja, some 1, robe n me everlasting, jelly actually wobbles, SHADOW MASTER, Linwe Melwasul

Some a quiet moment with Lemo Roberts:

I LIKE PANTS! PANTS AND…TOAST!

Ahem, Hi review monkeys! Y'know what Imma do? Imma write a story intitled: Lemo Roberts Goes Into A Bunch Of People's Heads! Or something…Myea I ain't got no ideas yet, BUT THEY WILL BE THERE! And read my stuff! It's got Lemo Cheesy and Ambo (or Andy as she's known here) in it! S'got some slash too…everybody loves that right? Right? crickets

Damn you all to the North Pole.

Barry Saucepan Trivia:

- The whomping willow has a different name now than it did in the beginning.

- The ending of Barry Saucepan and the Ugly Rock wasn't planned, I made it up on the spot at mid night when Lemo was staying over (Lemo: I made her keep the light on AAALL night!)

- Quidditch has never been played through a whole year ever since first year.

- I thought up Barry Saucepan in Social Studies with Lemo

- Social Studies is boring

- Everyone started Hogwarts at 13

- The fictional characters are older than their real life counter parts. (I'm catching up on 13th of September only to have it robbed of me when Lotte Smotti starts writing)

- The Andrew character was based on a crush I had in Yr9. Now I can't stand the guy so don't be surprise if Lotte kills him off next book...

(Lemo: -MY FICTIONAL SELF _STILL_ HAS HAD MORE DATES THAN ME, DAMNIT!)

**Once again:**

**THANKS**

**LLP LOBES YOU AND SHALL MISS YOU ALL!**


End file.
